Healing
Particularly with interpersonal traumas
like sexual assault, stalking, dating violence, or sexual harassment,
survivors may think that they should have prevented the crime through
changes in their own behavior. This makes it difficult to heal because
survivors feel guilty instead of putting blame where it belongs: on the
perpetrator. No one asks to be traumatized, and no one deserves to be
traumatized, no matter what they do. It is the choice of a perpetrator
to inflict a trauma, not the choice of the survivor. Survivors often
have an easier time healing if they focus on what they did right during
an assault rather than what they may have wished they did differently.
Think about how the trauma was survived and recognize that, rather than
blaming survivors for what they might have done differently.
Survivors have the right to be believed,
and it can be very painful if someone questions whether the situation
was interpreted in the right way or if someone does not believe a
survivor. Especially with private traumas, like sexual assault or
domestic violence, it may be hard for others to believe what happened.
With sexual harassment or stalking, some people believe myths of
flattery and may think survivors are overreacting.
Survivors should try not to take it
personally if someone does not believe what happened, although some
individuals find this difficult. People find sexual violence hard to
believe for many reasons, and many survivors experience disbelief in one
or more relationships. Remember, there are people in this community who
will believe and support survivors, and finding a good advocate/advisor
or a supportive friend will most likely help individuals have a less
difficult experience when disclosing trauma.
Stages of Healing
Everyone’s experience with sexual assault
is different. These are some examples of what can happen as you heal
from this trauma. Remember that healing is a process, and you may
experience any, all or none of the following. It is important that you
cope with these feelings at your own pace and in your own ways.
Acute Phase: This phase occurs immediately after the assault.. During this stage the survivor may:
seem agitated or they may appear totally calm (a sign that they could be in shock);
have crying spells and anxiety attacks;
have difficulty concentrating, making decisions and doing simple, everyday tasks;
show little emotion, act as though numb or stunned;
have poor recall of the sexual assault or other memories.
Outward Adjustment Phase:
During this phase the survivor resumes what appears to be from the
outside their "normal" life. Inside, however, there is considerable
turmoil which can manifest itself by any of the following behaviors:
continuing anxiety
sense of helplessness
persistent fear and/or depression
severe mood swings (e.g. happy to angry, etc.)
vivid dreams, recurrent nightmares, insomnia
physical ailments
appetite disturbances (e.g. nausea, vomiting, compulsive eating)
efforts to deny the assault ever took place and/or to minimize its impact
withdrawal from friends and/or relatives
preoccupation with personal safety
reluctance to leave the house and/or go places which remind the victim of the sexual assault
hesitation about forming new relationships with men and/or distrustful of existing relationship
sexual problems
disruption of normal everyday
routines (e.g. high absenteeism at work suddenly or, conversely, working
longer than usual hours, dropping out of school, traveling different
routes, going out only at certain times).
Resolution Phase:
During this phase the sexual assault is
no longer the central focus in the survivor’s life. The survivor begins
to recognize that while they will never forget the assault, the pain and
memories associated with it are lessening. They have accepted the
sexual assault as a part of their life experience and are choosing to
move on from there. Some of the behaviors of the second phase may flare
up at times but they do so less frequently and with less intensity.
Information borrowed from the Eastern Oregon University ‘Sex Matters’ Website, copyright 2006.