Oracle Online

In an effort to up the melodrama and predict arbitrary “winners,” I have pitted four of the limelit Justice League (DC Comics) and Marvel characters against each other for a West Side Story Sharks and Jets-style gang fight.

Round One: SPIDER-MAN VS. SUPERMAN

Spider-Man comes into this fight strong, driven by the upcoming theatrical release of Spider-Man 3 on May 4. No superhero, however, is immune to gossip and rumors are swirling about the budget for the latest installment in the series. Some are claiming that it is the most expensive movie ever made, at $500 million in total with $350 million just for production, marketing, and promotion.

If you thought that such a budget was a ridiculous waste of money and resources, never fear! There is a do-gooder involved! Real world superhero Bono (of U2) has signed on to write the music and lyrics for a Spider-Man musical. No Broadway dates have been set but auditions are underway. If you want to try out, bring your jazz hands, tap shoes, and best “Horrified Onlooker #5” faces.

Although Superman doesn’t have a movie coming out this summer, he has still managed to find his way into real-world news. Last week scientists in Serbia found a chemical substance nearly identical to the fictitious kryptonite as described in the Superman comics. The actual kryptonite (sodium lithium boron silicate hydroxide) is somewhat disappointing since it is not green nor crystalline but rather is a white powdery substance.

And the Winner Is... Spider-Man, until Bono attaches himself to toxic waste cleanup and eliminates the hazards of kryptonite so Superman can again be America’s unequivocal hero.

Round Two: THE HULK VS. BATMAN

Edward Norton will take Eric Bana’s role as Bruce Banner, aka the Incredible Hulk, in the upcoming sequel.
Enter the rumors: last week the world was awash with gossip that the new, post-Ang Lee Hulk was going to be, of all colors, grey. Horror! Fanboys everywhere cried and languished in misery until Producer Avi Arad clarified saying that it was all a joke taken far out of context. While the Hulk will remain green, he may just be a different shade.

Like most superheroes, the newest Batman installment The Dark Knight is shrouded in mystery. Heath Ledger is reportedly playing the Joker, alongside lead Christian Bale and Maggie Gyllenhaal (who replaces the awful Katie Holmes from Batman Begins). The new Joker is reportedly “scarier” and quite the departure from Jack Nicholson’s last incarnation.

And the Winner Is... Holy clich- Batman! This wasn’t difficult to call-Incredible Hulk for the win if only because the thought of a pink Hulk makes me laugh.