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To put it bluntly, there are residents in Peterson Hall that have no respect whatsoever for the building in which they live. Among their acts of careless piggery are leaving Taco Bell bags all over public spaces such as the kitchen, drawing images of penises on bulletin boards, and defecation. Lots of defecation. I’ve seen human feces on the floor of my hallway personally, on the fourth floor, and one of the microwaves in the main floor kitchen had to be thrown away. Someone had put their crapčliterallyčin a bowl and left it in the microwave for someone else to find.

Maybe this offensive offering was meant to be a message to the idea of a forced clean-up. If so, its effect counteracted its goal-residents of Peterson were conscripted into greater efforts of cleanliness thereafter. The hallways reeked of the sickly, citrus scent of cleaning fluids for a full day after. Whining floated throughout Peterson Hall as college freshmen were actually forced to clean! Aw, man!

Am I attacking the freshman class as a whole? Before someone writes another angry letter attacking my emotional and mental health, I’ll clarify-I have utter disdain for anybody who will degrade and consistently defile their home. I feel that there are more students of this category in the freshman year than in, say, any of the others.

It isn’t just blind bigotry against my own class. I’ve been given plenty of evidencečthe defecation issues being just a few. There’s also the issue of the pool table. This table in Peterson’s “entertainment lounge” is in a sorry statečthe felt has been knifed and ripped repeatedly and the cues and balls have been stolen. In addition, it’s common knowledge among the Heights community and the student body at large here at Hamline that the pool tabletop has been used for sex on numerous occasions by numerous people.

Yet the HIRC persists in trying to award us prizes for the lounge. All this month, the RAs and CAs of each floor have been instructed to check the floor daily for cleanliness. Three different prizes have been offered to be chosen by the cleanest floor at the end of the month: a newly-stocked and refurbished sex table-oops, I mean pool table-a new foosball table, or a new air hockey table.

I’m against putting anything in the public lounges at all. It’s a pretty firmly set precedent by now that anything important put down there will be ruined, lost and/or destroyed. Not even the couches are safe. I (and many others) have discovered cushions with semen stains on them. Apparently sitting in the public lounges is a huge aphrodisiac to these horny first-years-whenever they’re down there, they can’t keep it in their pants, and damn the property damages that ensue.

I don’t think the lounges should be closed down permanently. They are good meeting and coordination spots, and decent places to wait for laundry to finish. And I also recognize that HIRC wants to spend the money in its budget. But don’t throw any more money down the rathole that is the first-floor lounge.

Instead, I propose that the prizes should take the form of a divided budget for the four RAs of each Heights building. These budgets could be used for floor events, better decorations, and a better living environment for each student on the floor. And, perhaps most importantly, property damage is least likely to happen that way.