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Last Thursday, the mighty Bengals of Cincinnati squared off against the Baltimore Ravens. Nothing like a good late-November football game to warm the soul! Wait, the NFL Network is covering the game. You’re out of luck, especially if you live in Cincinatti, where the cable provider, Time Warner, does not carry the NFL Network. I guess you’ll just have to go downtown and mug someone for a ticket.

While I firmly believe we, the viewers and fans, are relatively safe from losing network football games, this is a step in the wrong direction. ABC Monday Night Football was an American institution for 35 years, until ESPN took it over this past year. Now only cable owners can watch Monday Night Football.

My rant on big market sports teams is quick and simple: it shouldn’t be front-page news every time the New York football Giants lose a game. They’re not even one of the most beloved football teams, yet they receive more coverage than God. Two weeks ago the Tennesse Titans (the NFL’s smallest market team) came back from a 21-point deficit in the fourth quarter to defeat the Giants. Nonetheless, the crux of most reporting on the game focused on the Giants' meltdown. Reporters didn’t let Tennessee win, they only let New York lose.

In summary, give coverage where it is due. If the Utah Jazz or the Buffalo Bills are doing well, put them on TV. We don’t need to hear about every time the Red Sox eat lunch. It isn’t newsworthy every time George Steinbrenner farts.

The Pretty Sweet

A state court of appeals in Madison, Wisconsin, rejected a lawsuit by a boy who wanted to compete on his high school’s girls gymnastics team. I don’t have any qualms with a guy performing gymnastics, so what is “pretty sweet”? There is no need for men and women to compete in the same sport. It won’t change my opinion, at least, that there are great athletes in any gender.

Despite contemporary popular opinion, we don’t need to blend men's and women's sports. Some will argue that letting men and women compete on the same field or court will improve conditions. They’re wrong. I have a Delorian, some uranium, and a flux capacitor, so I can travel through time. Well, I’ve been to the future, and witnessed first-hand the terrible circumstances of putting men and women on the same field. Take for example the Minneapolis Massacre of 2032: an ex-Gopher offensive lineman, Gerry Hefty, joined the women's volleyball team at the U of M. Hefty, who stands at 6’8" and weighs in at a little less than a quarter ton, accidentally trampled and crushed the three front-row players. There were no survivors.

The biological makeup of men and women is simply different. It isn’t productive to have men and women compete against each other. In most cases, athletes of each gender have different physical characteristics. Its not even like comparing apples to oranges. It’s more like comparing raisins to butternut squash. By the way, I mean in no way that women are inferior to men. If I were a betting man, I’d put everything I had on 97 percent of women on this campus taking me down in a footrace.

It is indeed a sad reality that men's sports are more watched and given more credence. If the goal is to eliminate the gap between mens and women's sports, I promise you, having them compete won’t help. I can certainly respect the significance of Billie Jean King defeating Bobby Riggs, but Riggs was older than Abe Vigoda when they played. Anyone wanna watch Roger Federer take on Serena Williams? Please, no. Can we just appreciate their talents without comparing them? I think we can. Equality is more than just an old wooden ship; it is an essential value in sports. Just don’t be tricked into thinking it means pitting male athletes against women.

The Bet You Didn’t Know

Shoeless Joe Jackson died on this day in 1951. Jackson, one of the greatest hitters of his time, was permanently disallowed from entering the baseball Hall of Fame because of his involvement in the Black Sox Scandal. Following the Black Sox's loss to Cincinnati in the 1919 World Series, Jackson (along with seven other players) was accused of throwing games. It was a bad deal, but the future will bring even worse scandals. As stated before, I’ve been to the future, and in 2020, the entire New York Yankees team was busted for juicing.

Art Monk, famed Washington Redskin wide receiver, turns 49 today. Monk is undeniably the best wide receiver not to be a part of the National Football Hall of Fame. Monk is near the top in all-time receptions and receiving yards. He also caught a pass in 183 straight games.

14 months is the amount of time a Hamline coach has to turn a program around.