Oracle Online

Dear Prefers Cartoons,

First of all, does your partner watching porn make you uncomfortable, or do you view it as wrong? There is a big difference between the two and your reaction may be different depending on your moral stance. If you think watching porn is morally wrong, then you should let your partner know that. If he/she cannot respect your moral views, then you may not want to be with this person. However, if it just makes you uncomfortable then there may be room for compromise.

You must know that many peoplečprobably more than you think-watch porn occasionally. It is a perfectly healthy and normal thing to do. But if you are ever uncomfortable with something in a relationship, always tell your partner. Communication is the key to a strong and healthy relationship. No matter what the issue, if you are not honest with yourself and your significant other, your relationship will become increasingly difficult and unhealthy.

In order to address this problem properly, you need to figure out why this makes you uncomfortable. Whatever the reason, it is important to understand why you feel the way you do.

If you are intimidated by the actors in adult films and feel self-conscious in the bedroom because of it, there is no need to. Your partner is not comparing you to porn stars. He/she is with you for a reason and finds you attractive in your own way and obviously enjoys being with you intimately. Again, it is perfectly normal to watch porn and fantasize about other people. This does not mean you are not good enough or that you should feel insecure. Remember, confidence is very attractive, so do not lose yours!

If you are simply bothered by the fact that your partner is watching other people have sex, or think it is gross, then you may want to address the issue differently. First, have you tried watching porn? It can be more than just a tool for masturbation. I’m not saying everyone enjoys watching porn, but it can be used as a form of foreplay or to spice things up a bit. Maybe think about giving porn a chance before disregarding it altogether.

However, if you still feel the same way, which is perfectly fine, then you definitely need to tell your partner. Maybe your partner will be willing to give up watching porn for you or possibly you can compromise. If you are OK with it, maybe he/she can be more discreet about watching adult films so you won’t even know it happens.

Either way, you both should respect each other’s opinions and views on the subject. And never agree to something you are not completely comfortable with. You deserve to be with someone who will listen to your opinions and feelings and respect them.

Disclaimer: Kelly Walsh has aspirations of being a sex expert, but has no professional training. Send questions to oracle@hamline.edu or DS 106.