Oracle Online

Dear Stubborn,

Looks like you have some major convincing to do, because your guy seems set in his ways. It’s important to communicate with him that in order for you to feel comfortable having sex with him, a condom needs to be used. Even if you have both been tested clean, it still doesn’t hurt to use a condom.

Last time you were tested, I bet you were told to come back within three to six months, even if you didn’t remain sexually active. That is because when you are tested for HIV, your blood is tested for the presence of any of the virus’ antibodies. If you have the virus, these antibodies will multiply over time, which is why you need to be tested regularly, regardless of if you’ve changed partners or even if you haven't been sexually active since your last HIV test.

You may have been tested clean once, but what if it shows up later? You may still carry HIV without having it present in your blood. Condoms are a great way to prevent the spread of HIV and other STDs, even if your tests show up negative.

That in itself is a reason to always use a condom, whether you are gay or straight. Preventing pregnancy is one thing, but preventing permanent and sometimes life-threatening diseases and infections is something that only a condom (or abstinence, but that doesn’t seem like an option in this case) can prevent.

Using condoms also sets a good example to your partner. It shows that you are responsible and care about the relationship, not just sex. It’s a small gesture that can mean a lot.

Condoms can add a lot to your sex life, as well. Condoms come in unlimited varieties, shapes, sizes, colors, flavors, textures, sensations, etc. One night you can try mint sensation, and another night try warming sensation. Mix it up and have fun! There’s twisted pleasure, tropical paradise, ribbed, glow-in-the-dark, and anything else you could possibly think of. After that, condom-less sex will seem bland and pointless. It’s like going on vacation to Utah after being in Aruba. Why would you want to leave Aruba?

Condoms can’t hurt you, so why not use one, just in case? You can pick them up free at various locations on campus, such as the Women’s Resource Center in the basement of the Student Center, or at any free clinic in the Twin Cities, such as Red Door or Family Tree Clinics. They’re free, they can’t hurt anything, they make you responsible, they can be fun, and they can save your life. If your partner doesn’t go for it after this, I’d say he’s looking for something else in your relationship and you deserve someone who understands the importance of safety.

Disclaimer: Stevie Hottman has aspirations of being a sex expert, but has no professional training. Send questions to oracle@hamline.edu or DS 106.