Oracle Online

Dear Contemplating Change,

College is a big change, so it is completely understandable that you feel the need to move on from a high school sweetheart. College is a time in your life to experience new things and discover who you really arečand also to figure out what you really want and need in a relationship. Now is probably the best time to explore what is out there.

Your boyfriend’s dependency is not unusual for someone who is still in high school with a partner in college. There is always that fear of them finding someone else, which happens quite often. Also, just the fact that you two are not able to physically be together and hang out as often can also lead to a clingier boyfriend or girlfriend.

As for your boyfriend wanting to go to the same college as you to stay close, do not allow him to do so simply for that reason. I believe that people in a relationship need to pursue their own personal goals in life. No one
should give up anything they

want to accomplish because they
want to stay in the same place as their significant other. Generally, when a person does this they end up regretting missed opportunities. After all, what happens if you sacrifice experiences in your life for the sake of the other person but don’t end up with him or her in the long run? Each person in a relationship should do what feels right for them and if that means being in different cities, states, or even countries then so be it. If two people can maintain a healthy relationship and still work toward their personal goals, then their relationship will be stronger because of it.

I think that in this situation it is necessary to let your guy down gently. Most likely, he will not understand your need to break up since he has not gained the perspective you have from being in a new environment. Be sure to respect his feelings and try to be as empathetic as possible. As we all know, breakups suck, and this will most likely be very difficult for him. However, honesty is a key component in every relationship and is the best policy in this situation.

It is imperative to let him know that you still care about him, but you need to follow your own path. In time he will understand and at some point you can be friends. He, too, will need to embrace these opportunities after high school. Change can be a scary thing, but it is necessary to grow as an individual. Once you have gained a better understanding of who you are and what your wants and needs are as an individual, you will have more successful relationships.

Disclaimer: Kelly Walsch has aspirations of being a sex expert, but has no professional training. Send questions to oracle@hamline.edu or DS 106.