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Following a slide show featuring images of energetic Pipers enjoying their first week on campus, the emcees took the stage to the cheers of an ecstatic crowd. After some shenanigans involving dance-offs and Piper Claps, it was time for the first act. Ladies and gentleman, Skyline Citizen, with special guest appearances by Dax Young and Tony Wilson! I love all these guys, I really do. But immediately after listening to them croon the familiar tunes, I wished they would diversify their set once in awhile. C’mon guys, cover some Lil’ Wayne or T.I. Or better yet, cover the entirety of “Straight Outta Compton.” I’d pay money to see this, I really would. Let’s make this happen.

Speaking of hip-hop, if the names “Wu-Tang Clan” or “Redman” are at all recognizable, you owe it to yourself to find their respective “Cribs” episodes on YouTube.com. In the Wu-Tang episode, RZA, the self-described spiritual leader of the group, explains to MTV viewers that it’s a rather typical day at the Wu-Mansion. Does a typical day at your house involve six-thousand dollar dice games, Method Man passing out on your couch, and Busta Rhymes stopping by for a freestyle session?

The Redman episode is equally hilarious. Redman is living in a run-down, two-bedroom house in Staten Island. His “crib” is a complete disasterčtrash everywhere, and one of his gold records is resting next to a heap of garbage. Redman’s freezer appears to be empty until he pulls out a box of frozen fish fillets that he praises in front of the camera. My roommate bought the same three-dollar fish fillets not a week earlier. I’m not kidding. The climax of the episode occurs when Redman reveals his “dollar box,” a shoe-box filled with cash. The house I just moved into has no carpet in the living room, loose tile, a smoke detector dangling by its wires, and a small mouse problem. Even with all these issues, it’s still a toss-up when deciding whose home has a higher property value, mine or Redman’s. Excellent.