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Hanson’s tumultuous past has come to light in recent months. It would seem being president helps to bring one’s name into the mainstream. Fortunately, Hanson has been very helpful and forthcoming in revealing her story. What follows is not for the faint of heart.

Some of you may remember President Hanson from her brief stint on American Gladiators. The show, which premiered in 1989, featured a series of rigorous competitions between super-athletes and everyday people. Hanson let her opponents know early on that she was a gladiator to be trifled with.

In the third episode, Hanson squared off against Lisa Flynn, a truck driver from Cheboygan, Wisconsin. Tragedy struck in the opening event of the evening, Powerball. The competition has the contenders attempt to score by placing balls into pods as two gladiators chase and tackle them. Flynn, being chased by gladiator “Laser Flame,” cut around the backside of one of the pods and headed back to retrieve another ball. Immediately after making the turn, however, Hanson pounced on her. The tackling blow killed Flynn on impact. Hanson, unaware of the catastrophe, signaled the crowd with her trademark crossbones taunt. Cheers quickly became concerned murmurs, as it was evident that something was very wrong.

Unfortunately for Hanson, the fallout of the Gladiator “episode” ruled that “Buzzsaw” Hanson would be disallowed from competing in any American sport. It would be far too dangerous, said Senator John McCain, to allow Hanson to cause any more damage. “Human life is sacred. Being that Hanson has a unique talent for ending life, it is the sentiment of the Senate that she should take her brutality elsewhere,” said McCain.

“To be honest, I was very hurt that I couldn’t compete in the event I loved. I was born to be an American Gladiator, or so I thought. Ultimately I am a glass half-full type of person. I began to take Lacey- err- Lisa’s death as an opportunity for me,” said Buzzsaw.

Hanson set her sights next on the Canadian Football League. “I’d always wanted to play football professionally and I’d never been to Canada. It seemed like a win-win situation.”

After running a 4.3 second forty yard dash, posting a 42 inch vertical, and bench pressing 250 pounds 36 times, Hanson was selected second overall by the Saskatchewan Roughriders in 1991. Similar to her situation with the Gladiators, Hanson made her presence felt early on. She opted for the middle linebacker position.

In her first game as a pro, Buzzsaw became the first player in the pro football to incapacitate the entire quarterback position on the opponent’s depth chart. Other teams had to respond to Hanson’s domination. Irv Brembocker, head coach of the Hamilton Tiger Cats, devised a strategy to neutralize Hanson’s disruptive nature. Brembocker felt the only way to beat Hanson’s Roughriders was to score on defense. Immediately upon receiving the ball, teams would punt away and opt to play defense.

“With Hanson off the field we at least had a chance to force a turnover and hopefully bring it back-to-the-house. The few times we would intercept it and still be out of field goal range, we just punted the ball back to them,” said Brembocker.

For four years, Hanson dominated the game. In that span of time, she racked up over 1,000 tackles, 200 sacks, 35 forced fumbles and 16 interceptions. Buzzsaw was also the most-penalized player in that time period. Unfortunately, the Roughriders were unable to win it all. Hanson became increasingly upset with a league policy that bars one player from playing multiple positions.

“You play to win. If I had a chance to play all the positions, we would have had a better chance to win. I failed to see what the problem was,” said Hanson.

Hanson lost the battle with the league administrators, yet she refused to bow down to other policies. This resulted in Hanson’s boycott of helmets. Buzzsaw donned war paint and Norwegian braids instead. Considering Hanson was already the most feared defender in the game, the new look induced fainting, vomiting and dementia.

Just as she reached the pinnacle of Canadian football, disaster struck. In a game against Hamilton, Hanson did a lunging face to facemask tackle. She cracked the Tiger Cat player’s helmet but gave herself a severe concussion in the process. Doctors determined that continued play might result in life threatening injuries, so Hanson walked away.

Now out of a job due to misfortune for the second time in five years, Hanson looked inward to find the next venture. She knew this much: she was faster, stronger, and more powerful than 99.99 percent of any living human beings. She decided to become a Navy SEAL.

Due to the PATRIOT Act we are unable to disclose any specifics of the operations she dealt with. “Being a Navy SEAL was the greatest experience in my life. I learned more about myself than anything. I learned what the human spirit is capable of under extreme conditions,” she said.

A co-SEAL who wished to remain anonymous tells of an experience he had with Hanson. “Well, Buzzsaw and I were hunkered down in a swamp off the coast of Grenada when we heard an ambush upon us. Hanson went into Rambo mode, arose from her position, and let loose on the enemy. She ended up taking three bullets to the midsection. I let her know that she was losing a substantial amount of blood, and she responded, ‘That just means I’m still alive.’”

Shortly after the situation in Grenada, Hanson came back to the states and began living a more conservative lifestyle. The rest of her story is well-known. She worked up various high level jobs in education and secured her spot as a viable university president.

“I look forward to my future here at Hamline. The skill-set I have come upon through my past experiences allows me to do my job to the best ability.” When asked how gladiatorial competition, football, and the military could have prepared her for education, Hanson said this: “Being the President of Hamline University is a lot like assassinating a foreign leader only I can do my job now without the aid of camouflage and razor wire.”