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March 28, 2006
Kate Moss is world's best mom
The rhetOracle is a mock issue of Hamline's undergraduate newspaper, the Oracle. We are trying to be as derisive as possible. Please enjoy the farcical nature of this issue or at least, ignore us.
Mother’s Day is fast approaching, and with it comes the crucial decision of who really has the right to the “World’s Best Mom” mug. As there can only be one world’s best mom, I am putting my full support behind Kate Moss, who is a model of motherhood at its finest. I know many others would chose their own mother, but mine happens to be a cold, shrill harpy who gave me socks for Christmas, even thought I specifically asked for the iPod Nano. The international supermodel is not only fashion’s most demanded muse, but an impossibly perfect mother as well.
Moss is rarely seen without a bottle in her hand, whether on or off the job. She is a trendsetter among stylish mothers because of the vast array of bottles she has been spotted with, in all shapes and sizes. Most commonly, however, she is seen with a liter-sized bottle with what appears to be a gray Mother Goose on it.
Feeding isn’t the only concern of the model, as she is also very conscience of preventing her child from getting dipper rash. Insiders say they can’t remember the last time they saw Moss without some traces of baby powder on her. Designer and fellow super-mom Donatella Versace was very quick to joyfully praise Ms. Moss. “All Kate cares about is her daughter,” said Versace. “I once saw her with baby powder all over her nose and she didn’t even seem to noticečthat’s true dedication.
Moss is also very concerned with safety and the law, frequently visiting police stations to brush up on her knowledge of the penal code. Everybody knows that a good mother is always in contact with local authorities, should she ever need their assistance. In fact, Moss has visited stations in England and the United States, the only reason for which could be her desire for tips on child safety.
While Moss clearly is a more than capable mother, she also learned an important lesson from It Takes a Village, the book that was “written” by former first lady and professional carpetbagger Hillary Clinton. Moss understands that the best environment to raise a child in is the inner sanctums of the fashion world. There clearly is no better way for a child to grow up healthy and well-adjusted than surrounded by the very grounded and healthy people found at fashion shows.
It’s not just co-workers that advise Moss how to raise her child. She also has a number of close personal friends that are nothing but ideal influences on a child. Her boyfriend is the singer of a band called Baby Shambles. While I’ve never heard Baby Shambles, because I prefer music that is good, I’m sure that they are very much along the lines of The Wiggles and Raffi. Pete himself is also a perfect choice for somebody to spend time with an infant. He is clearly a clean and intelligent individual, who is not a drug addict or dirty loser.
If Kate ever needs a babysitter, she needs to look no further than her good friend Lindsay Lohan. Lohan is the star of several Disney films such as The Parent Trap and Herbie: Fully Loaded. The young star is a perfect role model for any young woman; she always makes wise choices and believes in celebrating women’s bodies in their natural state.
Because of her steadfast dedication to her child and her network of friends, Kate Moss truly deserves the title of “World’s Best Mom” this Mothers Day.
Posted by dwright at March 28, 2006 01:30 PM
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