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March 28, 2006

Campus crime rates rise after recent snowfalls

The rhetOracle is a mock issue of Hamline's undergraduate newspaper, the Oracle. We are trying to be as derisive as possible. Please enjoy the farcical nature of this issue or at least, ignore us.

TRL Intern

The days of cuddling by the fireplace with loved ones, building snowmen and elaborate snow-forts, and sitting by the window watching the drifting snowflakes have passed. As the Hamline community has noticed with the recent winter weather, snowfalls have led to a decrease in positive bonding time and a surge in campus crime.

Campus security said that snowbank attacks (SBAs) accounted for most of the 60 percent increase in reported crimes. SBAs involve the perpetrator concealing himself behind a mound of snow and jumping on someone from behind, knocking him down, and leaving him face-down in the snow. Though SBAs usually do not involve mugging or taking of the victim’s property, they are nonetheless taken very seriously by Hamline security. “We try to prevent as many of these assaults as possible,” Ari Berne, a student working for Hamline Safety and Security, said. “Though nothing is usually stolen from the victim, it makes them permanently paranoid of snowbanks and wary of approaching them.”

The surprise of these attacks also has a harmful effect on the victims. “I had to get my heart checked out, after someone came at me from behind a snow pile and pushed me into a spot of deep snow,” said a 34-year-old junior Samantha Wilten.

The attacks have also left lasting effects on victims of SBA’s. Lea Spall, who was knocked into the snow late last Monday, said she is still terrified of the snow. “I used to love winter, because of the snow. Now, whenever I see that white horror outside my window, I have to reach for my blood pressure medication.”

Minor thefts have also become a problem after the recent snowfall. Safety and Security employees have speculated that the increase in stolen item complaints is the result of boredom and nowhere to go.

With so much snow, many students have been unwilling, or unable, to leave campus. “People are getting anxious,” Berne said. “No one wants to play in the snow anymore. They’re restless, and they’re stealing things.”

Thefts of snowpants have been especially prevalent.

No perpetrators had yet been caught as of press time.

Posted by dwright at March 28, 2006 01:03 PM

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