Oracle Online

My Dear Impregnated Man,

First and foremost, you will need to go out and purchase a home pregnancy test. These will typically be found in the feminine supply area. If anyone gives you an inquiring glance, just tell them it’s for a lady friend. After all, you don’t want to share your good news before you know for sure that you are in fact pregnant.

Your symptoms strongly suggest that you very well may be, however. The next step that you will have to take is finding out who the parent is. Start by making a list of possible candidates, including every person that you have been with physically. Remember to include the ones that you have just been intimately touched by. You do want to be thorough in this task.

You will then need to rank the people in order of how many times you’ve been in contact, starting with the most frequent and most recent. You may need to be brave and call someone. If you’re lucky, he or she will be very supportive. If not, move on to the next person on your list. Hopefully you will find someone on your list who will be very happy and help you through this difficult time.

If you are comfortable, tell your folks of this exciting news. If telling them in person is not an option, writing them a letter is also a good way. You then would not have to deal with the looks on their faces about how unintelligent you were to not use protection.

Now it’s time to take on the rest of the world. I’m sorry to be the one to tell you this, but a man being pregnant is not an everyday occurrence. It would be best to get a sex change. Your body would not be able to sustain a child without a few modifications.

Start with the more difficult and painful alterations first. You will need to broaden your hips so you will be able to deliver the child. Since doctors are capable of so much down there these days, you shouldn’t experience any complications.

At this time, get everything done down there that you need done, so you won’t have to go through this type of surgery again.

In the interest of the child, you should have a breast augmentation done. One of the only ways a baby receives its nutrients and antibodies is through breast milk. Make sure that the doctors know that you will be breast feeding your child so they can hook you up with that as well.
Congradulations, and best of luck!

Disclaimer: April Schmitz is a trained sexpert. She knows more than you do.