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December 13, 2005
Under the covers...with Nick Bell
Dear Nick:
I was wondering if you have any suggestions for my situation. I’ve been in a few relationships but the ones that have lasted for a length of time always come to the point where “plain vanilla sex” becomes dull, forced and just plain lacking. I’ve always been one to administer change as needed, but at the moment I’m stuck in a rut. My current partner and I started role-playing a couple months ago, but because I’ve never been one to excel at improv, it was a bit awkward. However, my partner’s libido flourished like mildew in a damp basement, I on the other hand, feel like Tracy Ullman, except my lack of enthusiasm causes me to be more and more in the position of passive playboy. I have talked to my partner who recognizes my point of view and agrees that sometimes things get a little creepy. However, let’s just say my partner just does not get quite as excited unless I start speaking in a foreign accent and positioning myself suspiciously around and upon inanimate objects, such as the kitchen chair. I miss the plain sex. How would you recommend conditioning my partner back into normalcy?
Deep Throat Deux
What I wouldn’t do for a set of handcuffs in a pinch. Yes, there are those unfortunate instances when sex can become dull with the same person over and over again. ‘The grass is always greener’ syndrome is a sticky-wicket. Kudos for trying something new and congratulations for coming to the realization that even experimenting becomes dull. The question becomes: do you replace this addiction with another, give up, leave your partner, or explore your own libido?
It sounds like your partner has discovered something exciting and pleasurable and at the same time, acknowledges your discomfort. This can mean two things; you must be doing something that really turns him or her on, and that he/she doesn’t really care that much if it makes you uncomfortable, or he/she is just doing it because you haven’t suggested anything else.
Role-playing can be extremely exciting and rewarding with the correct partner, but I agree that it is all too easy to fall into the passive role when you are unenthused by what you are doing. What I recommend, my little Lovelace, is finding a role you want to play. It sounds as if you are doing a rendition of the French maid scenario. Yeah, that one gets boring real fast, as we all find out quickly. A great question to ask is; why the accent? It seems that many think its easier to disappear in a role via foreign accent, but have you considered doing something a bit less familiar? Go with what you know, and find a role you’d be interested in playing and could be logically feasible. The whole world can’t be French maids or butlers.
Why not try police officer and criminal, teacher and student, homeowner and milkman, bartender and barfly, etc.? Also, remember that just because one of you is simulating the hierarchical role doesn’t mean the other has to be passive. It’s role play, use your imagination.
Some difficulty I experience once in a while is embarrassment, but if no one is watching, what have you got be embarrassed about? But of course, practice makes perfect, with or without the audience. What’s important is finding something you are comfortable with.
My other suggestion is to simply stop being as passive. It’s always fun to yell, spank, and lightly slap. If your partner doesn’t like this and you insist on being aggressive, your partner may realize that some changes need to be made in the bedroom. After all, if he or she doesn’t get excited until you bend them over a chair, you deserve to play out your fantasies or lack thereof too.
Disclaimer: Nick Bell has aspirations of being a sexpert but no professional training. Some situations are fabricated for entertainment and educational purposes.
Posted by msveum at December 13, 2005 01:05 PM
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