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December 06, 2005
Face the facts, it’s time to grow up: The Internet does not make you popular.
I would like to start by saying: while I am not on Facebook, I do not think the concept is intrinsically wrong. Nor do I think that the people on it, perhaps Top Forty types who wouldn’t recognize a simple good idea if it beat them up while they were watching MTV, are bad in any way, but definitely not evil, per-se.
Nor am I saying Facebook is without its good points. For instance, if you are what they call a “homosexual,” you can easily use it to find, proposition, and be rejected by members of your clan.
Additionally, it is very helpful in adding a face to a name when your co-workers are gossiping about people who wear black shoes with a brown belt. (Girl with the face tattoo, you’d better watch out. I know your name now.)
Have we, as semi-real adults, not yet built the skills necessary for a life outside the Internet? Looking over my friends’ shoulders, I’ve seen messages exchanged over a very limited span of topics, usually restricted to asking someone out so you don’t have to do it in person and complimenting how cute someone’s picture is, even if you’ve done this to 50 other people. Also, these people are not your friends. They are just too polite to deny your friend request.
“People use Facebook for the wrong reasons,” says David Adair, sophomore and all-around dude you should ask about stuff. What are those wrong reasons? “To show people how cool you are...when you’re not.” Facebook has become an obsessive popularity contest where the winner gets the most pokes.
Furthermore, why do you have more than 10 pictures of yourself in your account? Even that’s gratuitous. We’ve seen your profile, we’ve seen you smiling with your face pressed against a friend’s, and we’ve seen you in your hootchie-mama costume trying to impress us by rubbing your vagina all over the camera.
Oh yay, another album of those pictures. (An added bonus: you look very nice shirtless. Now take that picture down. You are sending the wrong image, and for those of you who like seeing naked people, do like the rest of us do and download porn.)
“It’s destroyed my life,” a passing freshman said about Facebook. She’s joking, I hope, but it doesn’t take much to see through the tough faŹade she throws up. Inside, I bet she’s jonesing like a lab rat. This girl probably spends more than an hour a day on Facebook, but doing what? I’m sure she couldn’t tell you. People think I’m unhealthy just because I spend hours upon hours watching Xena on DVD. Hours upon hours just so many hours. On the plus side, I can throw a chakram with the best of them.
If you’re going to use Facebook, don’t use it as a substitute for social interaction. It’s there for a convenience, but that doesn’t apply when you’re sending your roommate messages. That’s stupid. Get up and talk to them. Use it for its intended purpose: writing nasty messages about your roommate.
Posted by msveum at December 6, 2005 11:47 AM
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