Oracle Online

First of all, to waylay your fears, according to Minnesota Statute 609.344, if she is 16 but less than 18 years of age and if you are no more than 48 months older and not in a position of authority over her, then what you two have done is technically legal. If you want to read the whole statute about it, it’s easily available online. I am glad that you mentioned she consented and all, but consent by what the statute calls the complainant is not a defense and if it so happens that she is not 16, or hadn’t been at the time of your encounter, then you would be in legal trouble. But lets get beyond the legal ramifications that most people generally have easy access to and move ahead with some of the moral issues.

If you would like my honest opinion, I would advise you not to pursue this. First you stated that you know it’s wrong and later that you have trouble thinking that it was wrong. Perhaps look at why you initially think it’s wrong or what kinds of reactions from your close friends (or her brother) you’ll be getting. Most likely they will be ones of disgust or concern. Yes, there are only two and a half years between you, but the differences between 16 and 19 are enormous. The relationship you are imagining will most likely not work. And not just because of the age difference; you need to consider your friend, (who is also her probably protective brother), her parents and much more. Before you even consider having a relationship with this girl you will need to tell your buddy for friendship’s sake. Her parents will definitely have a say in it too; would they be okay with this?

I am hoping you used protection, so I won’t lecture you on that, but why do you like her so much? Did you feel this attraction before or after sex? How far away does she live? Do you think that maybe it just looks cool for her to have a boyfriend in college? Figure out what it is that you like about her and make sure it;s not infatuation.

You need to consider how she’s feeling at this point too. She may have consented at the time, but does she regret it now? She may be trying to figure things out for herself on a whole different level, so if things progress, I would advise you to meet her parents, talk to her brother and don’t keep it a secret. Everyone always seems to think you can keep sexual intimacy a secret, but you must remember that there are two (sometimes more) people involved, so it’s best if you are honest and open. Especially in your situation, where you could be seen as being in a position to take advantage of someone else.

Disclaimer: Nick Bell has aspirations of being a sexpert but no professional training. To submit a comment or question, e-mail it to oracle@hamline.edu or drop it off at the Oracle office (DS 106).