Oracle Online

Ah, JNGI, you’ve stumbled upon an important American cultural phenomenon known as the post-coital high five. Though it is an overtly masculine demonstration, which is often marked by the violent slapping of palms and usually followed with a deep grunt, this is actually the behavior of the typical American male at his most vulnerable. After you and your helmet-wearing hottie have finished the hot deed, he, in a moment dripping with emotion, body odor, excitement over getting some choice foreign-babe action, and hella hormones, is extending his hand to you seeking your approval. He is nonverbally communicating that the sweet loving he just made to you all over Sorin fourth-floor laundry room was indeed an awesome experience that he will think fondly of for many a lonely summer night when he’s back in his parents’ place in Sheboygan. And by not responding in kind, you have inadvertently denied these claims he’s made of a bitching boinkfest and therefore maimed his ego and insulted his manhood. And who says women are touchy?

Now for a brief history just for you, JNGI, since I don’t believe any of my other readers are lucky enough to have lived a high fiveąfree life thus far. The high five, or “giving five,” as it is also commonly known, has long been an important expression of triumph and success at the most simple and/or inane tasks. For example, it would be appropriate to high-five a friend for issuing an appropriately timed burp, or perhaps after watching a player on television score a well-executed goal, but not for discovering the double helix. It wasn’t long before this action was extended to the bedroom as an exclamation of one’s own ability to perform the very duty that we were biologically designed to carry out in order to ensure our own success as a species. Wait to go us. We figured out how to copulate!

So it is up to you, JNGI, to reach out and confirm to your man just how frickin’ sweet his sexing is. Let him know that you are certainly very proud of him for coming and that you too enjoyed your precious time
together. All you have to do is stretch your fingers out real wide and meet his hand with your own
celebratory slap of good sex. Do that, JNGI, and I promise, your boy will be very pleased at your response.
I just wouldn’t advise bringing this custom back with you when you leave the United States. Unfortunately, it seems the rest of the world is still of the viewpoint that we should only be proud of accomplishing tasks that we have to work very hard to achieve, not that which comes naturally to us. Oh well.

Disclaimer: Molly Kirwan has aspirations of being a sexpert but no professional training. To submit a comment or question, e-mail it to mkirwan01@gw.hamline.edu or drop it off at the Oracle office (DS106).