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March 29, 2005
Letter to the Editor: Meth saved my college career
Last week was midterms, and I’m sure most of you had a hard time getting everything done in time. Maybe you didn’t finish all your journal entries for African American Lit; maybe you just let a 20-page research paper slip under your radar.
In any case, I’m sure you would have rather been getting high with your friends than studying for any
wack-ass midterm. Like many of you, I have long suffered with the catch-22 of college life - rigorous academic coursework, but a plentiful supply of new and exciting drugs. For a long time, I struggled with combining these two important aspects of my college career.
I quickly learned that smoking a giant bowl of weed was not a good way to start a critique of theTempest from a postcolonial theoretical standpoint, and eating an eighth of mushrooms was not a good way to have an efficient and productive study session. My difficulty soon became obvious - I can’t get a good enough job to score some really good coke for the weekends if I didn’t get good grades, and I couldn’t not do drugs.
My problem seemed insurmountable, until fate intervened. After my little sister stabbed her bus driver and declared herself the lizard queen, her therapist diagnosed her with ADD and started her on a hefty dose of
Dexedrine. Since my personal life motto has always been “I’ll put anything in my mouth at least once,” as soon as I got a chance, I swallowed half of her prescription. Suddenly, a whole new world opened up for me. I discovered a drug that didn’t distract me or make me see giant bug-gods in my ceiling. Instead, it focused me like a laser, and I was able to write a paper due in two weeks, finish all my physics homework, and steal my parents’ VCR in just a couple hours. I have discovered the solution to all my problems - I had finally found a substance that would allow me to do homework while blazed out of my freaking mind.
During the next couple days I was awake, I was able to complete research on this magic drug. It turns out that my sister’s prescription was basically legalized speed, and that there was no need to fake a learning disability to obtain it - it was readily available from my local street dealer. Soon, my whole academic career turned around. I went from Cs and Ds to As and Bs, and I had finally found some direction in my life. The speed caused my adrenal glands to pump out that helpful fight-or-flight juice, giving me the concentration I needed to finish one brilliant undergrad paper after the next, or give me the extra drive to put some distance between me and the cops.
Sure, my new addiction hasn’t been problem-free. My best friend hasn’t talked to me since I sold his Playstation for drug money, and my girlfriend broke up with me after I slapped her in the face after a particularly productive night of homework. But hey, like my dad always said - you can’t make an omelette without abusing illicit drugs. I’ve had to make some sacrifices, like a normal sleeping pattern, but speed has saved my life.
Sam Sneek
CLA Super-senior
Posted by msveum at March 29, 2005 01:26 PM
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