Oracle Online

First-years will be able to support each other emotionally, spiritually, and academically in environment safe from the decadent sex, drugs and boozeąfilled lifestyles that have destroyed the academic careers of many students before them.

The other shakeup on the horizon is the plethora of theme housing in Drew and other residence halls. Second-floor Peterson will have the theme of “Weekends on Campus.” Obviously, this will be the least popular theme housing. But at least students with families who don’t love them will have a place to stay.

And in one of Hamline’s boldest attempts to create a utopian society free from prejudice, Drew’s second floor will be home to the triumvirate of social progress groups; namely, Social Justice, GLBT and Allies Interest, and Women’s Issues. By establishing this Triple Alliance, as it will surely be known throughout campus, Hamline is clearly attempting to bring about a new era of enlightenment to the whole campus č or at least to second-floor Drew.

One curious setup in our new residential future is the existence of a “substance free” floor in the soon to be first-year only dorm Schilling. Since illicit drug use and underage drinking in dorms is already forbidden by Residential Life, the status of second-floor Schilling as “substance free” floor seems somewhat redundant. Is this the administration’s way of saying, “and this time we mean it,” or is something much more esoteric planned? Perhaps Hamline is creating a floor dedicated to the realization of the dream of the Buddha (or Isaac Asimov, we forget which one), where students will be free from all substance and matter and exist in a state of pure mental energy.

Are Hamline students, faculty and staff ready for this brave new world? Will the theme-housed crop of hardcore, straight-edge first-years be able to mix with their upper-class alcoholic, pothead peers without violent gang fights breaking out throughout campus? Will the Triple Alliance be enough to beat back the oppressive, patriarchal culture we have inherited? And how will our professors take roll at the beginning of class if some of their students are incorporeal beings possessed of terrifying mental abilities?

Hamline has never shied away from progress in the past, and we believe that as a community, we can pull through these changes and create a shining City on the Hill as Bishop Leonidas Hamline always dreamed of.