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Making love, on the other hand, is profound and deeply meaningful (but still hot), like an epic featuring Leonardo and Kate heating up the backseat of a Model T.

I believe that it is also a commonly held idea that there is a variation in the speed and the nature of interaction between the two.

Sex is fast, rough, and dirty. Making love is slow, soft, and intense. Think again of the entertainment industry’s portrayal of the two.

You know that it isn’t a story about finding true love when then two main characters are bouncing wildly off one another, screaming to the heavens, precariously balanced on some office furniture.

However, if there is a soft-focused lens, lots of candlelight, tons of kissing but little actual humping going on in a bed, chances are the couple were meant to be.

Of course, LR, that isn’t really how it is in real life. Two people can maintain a spiritual and physical connection while doin’ it at breakneck speed.

It is also possible to have really slow, really intense sex without feeling like you’re totally in love with your partner. There is definitely something else at play here that compels people to define simple intercourse in two separate ways.

I think that more often than not, people make the distinction between having sex and making love as a way to deal with their own feelings of guilt or shame about intercourse in general.

These days, sex often gets the reputation of being oh-so-desirable, yet oh-so-inappropriate or dirty. I think a lot of people get caught up in the pull between our bodies’ desires and our society’s disdain.

As a compromise, we tell ourselves that sex is okay, as long as it isn’t a simple physical pleasure.
It becomes socially acceptable to “make love” because it is seen as something purer, where having mere physical intercourse isn’t nearly as elevated in the public mindset.

Call me unromantic, but I don’t buy it. The only people who should worry about whether or not there is love involved in sex are those people sharing the act. And I only see it as a problem if one person’s perception of that sex differs from another’s.

In other words, the world shouldn’t care if you are “having sex” or “making love.” One form of intercourse should be just as acceptable as another.

However, if you are emotionally unattached in a sexual situation where your partner clearly feels differently, I must caution you to beware.

Disclaimer: Molly Kirwan has aspirations of being a sexpert but no professional training. To submit a comment or question, e-mail it to mkirwan01@gw.hamline.edu or drop it off at the Oracle office (DS106).