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However, I refuse to hand this question off to someone seeking a degree in a more morality-minded discipline. I mean, this is a sex column, after all, and can you imagine getting sex advice from someone who is pre-law or a religion major (a quote that hopefully will make it into next month’s English department newsletter)?

Though orgasm-faking is most often associated with women (thank you, Meg Ryan), both sexes do it for the same two reasons: 1) Faking occurs because one party (the faker) wishes to no longer continue having sex with his partner and therefore he simulates orgasm in hopes that intercourse will end sooner, and 2) The faker does not want her partner to feel bad or inadequate, so she pretends she is in orgasm heaven to avoid any post-sex awkwardness or guilt.

Both of these motives are acts of deceit, and therefore I cannot entirely endorse either. However, sex is definitely an area where people feel incredibly vulnerable. It can be crushing to feel denied by your partner.

And that’s why it’s only natural for people to fake. It’s an easy, polite out of a possibly difficult situation. But faking immediately complicates any sex situation a hundred times more when one partner finds out that the other is only pretending to be bursting through big O’s door. That is when feelings get hurt and trust č in my opinion, one of the most important keys to good sex č gets broken. And this is much more harmful to any relationship than simply telling your partner that you are not going to come tonight, and, hey, that is
okay.

I’ve said before and I’ll say it again: Sex isn’t all about orgasms. By putting all the emphasis on coming, it’s easy to lose sight of all of sex’s other pleasures.

Faking may seem like a good way to avoid certain difficulties in the bedroom, but the long-term complications should always be considered. And if you’re faking or considering faking orgasms to expedite the act of sex itself, JW, then I would advise you to stop your acting immediately.

If you’re not enjoying sex, you owe it to your partner and yourself to just say you’re not into it. Otherwise you run the danger of something that is supposed to be pleasurable quickly becoming something that is unbearable. In such situations, resentment toward your lover and the act of sex itself is likely to build. This can be extremely harmful and could possibly do damage to a young person’s attitudes about intimacy.

So I would advise any fakers to be aware of the possible consequences of what may seem like a nice or convenient way out of a sticky sex situation. Just bite the bullet and tell your partner that you aren’t coming, and then stop if you want to or proceed if you’re enjoying the sex. In college, at least, it’s best to save your performances for Acting I class.

Disclaimer: Molly Kirwan has aspirations of being a sexpert but no professional training. To submit a comment or question, e-mail it to mkirwan01@gw.hamline.edu or drop it off at the Oracle office (DS106).