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So the first thing I would do, OOG, is make sure that you don’t cause her to feel self-conscious about it. No one likes to feel like a freak in the bedroom. But do make it clear that you want to help her experiment with different tactics so she can arrive at orgasm. Also, make sure she knows that this is not an out-of-reach goal.

I would advise her to start by reaching down her pants and touching herself. Chances are, she’s tried masturbation before. Maybe she just didn’t have any luck, and she gave up. But reaching an orgasm often takes patience, perseverance, and determinationčand often a little alone time. You might be the special someone, OOG, that will lead her to the giant O, but she’s going to have to be comfortable enough with herself before she gets anywhere.

How else can you help? Offer her ways to vary her stimulation. If you are serious about committing
yourself to aiding her in orgasming, give yourself over to her as a tool to reach this goal. Use your fingers, and definitely your tongue, and go where she directs you. Let her be in complete control, telling you what feels good or what doesn’t.

And when it comes to intercourse, remember that most women do not orgasm simply through penetration.
Keep things more lively than the simple missionary style. Try stimulating her clit during intercourse, or encourage her to do it. Ask her if she would be interested in using a vibrator, which can provide the prolonged stimulation that is often necessary to reach a first orgasm.

Lastly, don’t be afraid to ask her if there are any fantasies you can indulge for her. Suggest dirty talk, a sensual full-body massage, a hot bath or shower where you can wash her all over. (I know, a lot of these options may seem out of question to anyone who’s participating in dorm livingčbut there is something inherently dirty and fun about messing around in a collegiate setting).

Always remember, OOG, that you shouldn’t force her to try anything she is uncomfortable with. She’s only going to get to her orgasm if she doesn’t feel pressured or self-conscious.

And a parting piece of advice: Consider the way you are viewing sex, OOG. Orgasms can be a unique, wonderful, poetry-inspiring experience, but they really are not everything. Your lady friend can have a totally awesome, totally satisfying sexual experience without coming, so do not obsess over and put all value on the orgasm. Just make sure she’s having a good time and try to have one as well. Stress is a real buzzkill in the sexual world, so keep things fun, and, of course, safe.

Disclaimer: Molly Kirwan sexpert but no professional training. To submit a comment or question, e-mail it to mkirwan01@gw.hamline.edu or drop it off at the Oracle office (DS106).