Oracle Online

Rest assured, CV, this campus is populated with a nice mixture of virgins, nonvirgins and everything in betweenčseems like everyone has their own working definition these daysčso don’t be ashamed of your V-card status. The fact that you are talking to your friends about sex shows me that you’re not embarrassed by your relative sexual inactivity thus far, but you are definitely preparing to move into nonvirgin territory. You’re curious and you’re seeking education from peers and hopefully from other sources as well (remember, sexual health hotlines abound and you’ll find a wealth of information and advice here on campus from Counseling and Health Services). Seems like you’re ready to try out sex.

So will it hurt the first time? It varies immensely from person to person. Some women experience great pain, others just mild stinging, and still others feel nothing unpleasant at all. Hell, you might even enjoy yourself.

It’s true that a woman’s first plunge into the sex sea often gets a bad rep as being terribly awkward, painful, embarrassing, and hardly pleasurablečlike a poorly executed swan dive. Chances are you won’t orgasm your first time, but that doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t enjoy yourself. There are a few things that I would advise you to remember when that moment comes, as you’re standing on the diving board with your knees all a-shakin’.

Number one: Don’t put too much pressure on yourself or your partner. Make sure you are comfortable with the situation and paying attention to what your body and your mind are telling you at the moment. If something feels wrong, don’t go through with the act. If things go poorly, big deal. Don’t let it get you down. Just make sure you’re being safe and open with your partner.

Number two: Establish and maintain good communication throughout the whole of intercourse. You don’t have to be a Chatty Cathy or a play-by-play commentator, which could ruin the mood (unless we’ve got a Marv Albert fetish thing going on here, which really is another column within itself). But stay honest and speak up if things are feeling bad or good. We all need a bit of confidence in the bedroom, especially when we’re first starting out, so let your partner know if they are doing something that feels really right.

Number three: Bring the lube. Seriously, it’s not just for anal sex. Chances are that you will be nervous your first time and your body might display that nervousness in other ways beyond clammy hands. Just relax. Oh, and engage in as much foreplay as possible. I cannot stress this enough, especially when I think about all the young Hamline men out there that might be reading this: Foreplay is fabulous. It’s not just a fun pastime in its own right, but it really helps out tons when you get down to the love-makin’. Just remember, CV, things will go a lot better and less painfully if you are wet and relaxed.

If you do experience pain and it seems like there’s no getting around it, just remember that it will feel better with time. Other than that, just be safe and have fun.

Disclaimer: Molly Kirwan has aspirations of being a sexpert, but no professional training. To submit a comment or question, e-mail it to mkirwan01@gw.hamline.edu or drop it off at the Oracle office (DS 106).