Oracle Online: The thrilling conclusion to Brondyke’s summer movie manifesto

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September 21, 2004

The thrilling conclusion to Brondyke’s summer movie manifesto

Phil Brondyke

Senior Film Critic

At the risk of stating the obvious for the umpteenth time, I will forego the generic “So, we are back in school” statement, and instead ask you if you took advantage of that unique little list of movies to see over the summer that I compiled for last year’s final Oracle edition.

No?

Hey, that’s cool, I probably wouldn’t have either, had I not written it. There is no way I would let some goon who writes for a D3 college newspaper dictate what I am going to watch in the theaters and at home during my summer vacation.

If I want to see two hack supermutants fight to the death on our frozen continent to the south, you had better believe it will be the best damn date I go on for months-regardless of what some wiseass writer recommends.

Well friends, we all had our bouts at the cinema this summer whether we are proud of them or not. Maybe White Chicks did it for you over the break, or Best Actor nominee Vin Diesel was exactly what you wanted from the summer box office, but I would venture to say that this summer was a pretty average four months for moviegoers.

I was only able to see a few movies this summer; my high-stress job at a video store took quite the strain on my psyche. What I did see, however, are some that I am prepared to share with you, here and now.

Super Size Me was one sweet film. For you first-years, and everyone who enjoyed Fast Food Nation, this documentary is a must-have on DVD. Morgan Spurlock, the documentary filmmaker behind the movie, subjects himself to a month of nothing but McDonald’s food, eating it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Doctors, nutritionists, and fitness gurus become aware of the long-term health risks fast food poses to an individual and the fattening of America as whole. This film was also the winner of the Director’s Award for documentary at the 2004 Sundance Film Festival.

In Troy, Brad Pitt turns out to be a drama man. That in mind, historical action movies should be left in the capable hands of Mel Gibson and Russell Crowe. This movie is the kind of summer blockbuster whose budget could have fed millions of starving Ethiopians (if Warner Bros. had a heart, that is).

The film tells the story of a Greco-Trojan war, in which high-priced stars such as Pitt, Brian Cox, Orlando Bloom, and Eric Bana (well, maybe not Bana) fight for their respective homelands. Unless you saw this for free, it was probably not worth your time. Sorry, ladies.

If you thought Troy was bad, I would like to point out that Spider-Man 2 swooped in to save the day. Simply put, this movie was just too damn cool. I truly enjoyed the second edition of the masked Marvel superhero’s adventures and expoits.

Tobey Maguire returns as the one and only Spider-Man to fight Doctor Octopus (Alfred Molina), and does it damn well. Although I do not enjoy Kirsten Dunst as an actress, she pulled this one off well. I would definitely see it again, if not, dare I say it, actually buy it.

It is not often that MTV comes through with a really funny film, but those corporate bastards did it with definitive style in director Jared Hess’ first film, Napoleon Dynamite.

Napoleon is the loser of all high schools and is just fine with it. He does the things that invariably warrant scolding by his mom, and he does them with style.

There are no big-name stars, which only add to the hilarious situations Napoleon finds himself in. With help from immigrant friend Pedro, big ND slowly takes over the school from within. See this movie at all costs.

So maybe I wasn’t in the right state of consciousness when I saw King Arthur, but I thought there could have been a lot more Braveheart and a lot less crappy and unfunny versions of Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

The film was led by Clive Owen, who starred as King Arthur, a British knight loyal to Rome at the decline of the empire (for those not versed in folklore), who meets prisoner girl Guinevere (Keira Knightley).

The plot is predictable, and, overall, disappointing for as much marketing as the studio put in; I was not impressed, but luckily I had my friend Jack with me to keep me from walking out.

There were more films out there this summer, many of which are worth seeing, and why I chose will keep us all wondering. As I stated, however, for every Napoleon Dynamite, there was a Catwoman lurking in the shadows.

Thinking films were the rage of June and July, with Coffee and Cigarettes, Super Size Me and Fahrenheit 9/11 probing questions of national and social interest, but as the summer progressed, Harold and Kumar, Breaking All the Rules, and Soul Plane hijacked theaters, and, in turn, hooked me on the wonders of literacy.

The fall may be promising for moviegoers, but nonetheless I am still holding out for Mel Gibson’s sequel to The Passion. Until then, though, we will have to wait for the next piece of meat Hollywood throws to the rest of us; and I (with the Oracle’s permission) will be there to eat that meat.

Posted by Dax at September 21, 2004 06:00 AM

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