Oracle Online: etc. Archives

September 21, 2004

Under the covers... with Molly Kirwan

Dear Molly:

What exactly is HPV? And how can you protect yourself from it? From what I’ve heard, there is no protection and no cure! How serious is this STD? Ever since I heard of this virus I’ve been afraid to have sex!  A Concerned, Not-So-Sexually Active Student

When you consider the facts, the human papillomavirus can be a bit terrifying. According to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), not only is it the most prevalent of all STDs, but it is estimated that 50 percent of all sexually active men and women will acquire genital HPV at some time in their lives. The risk is even greater for women, 80 percent of whom will contract a strain of the virus by the time they are 50. And, while the disease itself is not life-threatening, doctors have found a link between some strains of HPV and the appearance of cervical cancer. If you have no symptoms, it can only be diagnosed through abnormal pap smears in women and not at all in men. The only way to protect yourself completely from the disease, ACNSSAS, is to refrain from ANY sort of sexual contact whatsoever. Yeah, that is a bit scary.

There are over 100 strains of HPV, 30 of which are sexually transmitted. It can infect the genital areas including the penis, vulva, anus, and the inner linings of the vagina, cervix and rectum. Yes, it can cause warts, but most often there are no symptoms or signs of the virus. However, it can still be spread whether symptoms are present or not through genital contact of any sort, and that means that a condom does not necessarily protect you from the virus. If warts should appear, they can be treated through topical medication or doctor-administrated treatment, but you are right, ACNSSAS, there is no medical cure for HPV. Doctors do say, though, that most cases of the strain will clear up on their own within two years.

So what do you do to protect yourself from acquiring a disease that often presents no visual warning signs and cannot be simply avoided through using protection? Well, abstinence is one option, or you can limit yourself to only engaging in sex with partners who have never had any real sexual contact before. But let’s be honest here: For the majority of people neither of those options are really reasonable or possible. That is probably why roughly half of sexually active people will acquire the virus, and most of them will never know it.

We have to be realistic. Yes, there is a good chance that as a sexually active person, you may contract HPV. But looking at what the CDC tells us about the virus, that could result in one of several scenarios. At the very worst, you could possibly develop cervical cancer as a consequence of the disease, though doctors cite this as unlikely. Or, you could break out in warts, but these could either be treated medically or disappear on their own. Or, you could have the virus and possibly pass it on to others without knowing it. You have to evaluate whether you are willing to risk these possibilities, ACNSSAS. Most likely, whether you make the decision now or after some serious thought, you will become sexually active, therefore running the risk of acquiring HPV.

If and when you make this decision, my advice would be to make sure you seek medical treatment immediately if you find any abnormal growths. And since you may contract the virus without knowing it, make sure you receive regular pap smears to identify any complications the virus may cause early on. The best way to keep healthy when sexually active is by keeping yourself educated, so if you have any more questions I would recommend visiting Counseling and Health Services.

Disclaimer: Molly Kirwan has aspirations of being a sexpert but no professional training. To submit a comment or question, e-mail it to mkirwan01@gw.hamline.edu or drop it off at the Oracle office (DS106).

Posted by Graham at 06:24 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 05, 2004

Under the covers...with Molly Kirwan

Dear Molly:

I like to talk to my friends about sex, but I feel pretty self-conscious about it. I’m afraid that if I’m too open about it, I’ll come off as a total slut. How do I approach this topic without sounding like I’m bragging or a whore?  Dirty Talker

There’s a stereotype at work here, DT, that often weighs heavily on young people who are just starting to experiment with sex. When you first become sexually active, it’s like you’ve just started to explore this bizarre new world. It’s only natural to feel curious about others’ experience and want to share your own. But then there is this voice, the ever-droning monologue of “decent society” telling us that sex is something that should be relegated to the world that exists only behind bedroom doors. After all, it is only polite.

But, of course, ever since birth we are exposed to this steamy, illicit, and totally sensational representation of sex that exists on television, movies, magazines, everywhere. Our society seems to be simultaneously obsessed with and ashamed of sex. It’s portrayed as both incredibly desirable and disgraceful. And that puts us, the very confused children of this society, in a difficult place. Does it make you a slut if you like talking about sex? Are you a prude if you don’t?

We all find out pretty quickly that sex is not like what plays out on The O.C., so we need another, more reliable source of information to educate us and tell us what to expect. But then again, TV doesn’t judge you. It is embarrassing when you first start talking to others about sex because that puts you in a vulnerable position. You are admitting to another that you participate in an act that is often thought of as inappropriate and unspeakable in the public sphere, at least by real people who do not exist within the latest Kate Hudson romantic comedy. As you may recall “decent society” telling you, sex is only truly acceptable in the real world as a means of procreation. I mean, look at how many anti-sodomy laws (and that legally includes oral sex) are still on the books in almost every state! But as most anyone who has had a positive sexual experience knows (and that’s almost all of us if you include masturbating), sex can just simply be funčand where’s the shame in discussing something that’s just good, old-fashioned fun?

Of course, as a sex columnist, I think it is only healthy to talk extensively about sex. Sex is fun, but it can be dangerous. I believe that we should be able to discuss it openly so that as many people as possible are having the best experiences possible. Education is necessary on this subject, as well as a few helpful tips to overcome the inherent awkwardness of the act. However, many people will always feel uncomfortable discussing sex, and I have to respect that. For some, sex is a private act to be shared only by those who are engaging in it together. I think this can be a healthy attitude to hold as well, as long as these people are being responsible enough to educate themselves through reliable sources.

So, no, DT, you are not a slut, and I wouldn’t worry too much about coming off as one around your friends. Chances are, as young, college-age students, they’re probably just as interested in sex as you are and would be excited for an opportunity to start sharing and comparing experiences. But if you do bring up the subject and feel that the topic is being avoided or met with resistance, I would take this as a hint that this person is not comfortable talking about this area. Don’t take it as a diss or a judgment of your character; just find another pal to broach the subject matter with. I bet you’ll be surprised at how many are willing to explore the topic with you.

Disclaimer: Molly Kirwan has aspirations of being a sexpert, but no professional training. To submit a comment or question, e-mail it to mkirwan01@gw.hamline.edu or drop it off at the Oracle office (DS 106).

Posted by msveum at 08:49 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 12, 2004

Under the covers...with Molly Kirwan

Dear Molly:
I know that I’m not the only female at Hamline university who hasn’t had sex yet (at least I hope not), and I was wondering if having sex for the first time hurts. I’ve asked a couple of my friends and some say that they felt a slight sting and others said that it was one of the most uncomfortable experiences in their lives. They all admit that after the first time, the pain subsides, but do you have any advice on how to make it not hurt as much?  Curious Virgin

Rest assured, CV, this campus is populated with a nice mixture of virgins, nonvirgins and everything in betweenčseems like everyone has their own working definition these daysčso don’t be ashamed of your V-card status. The fact that you are talking to your friends about sex shows me that you’re not embarrassed by your relative sexual inactivity thus far, but you are definitely preparing to move into nonvirgin territory. You’re curious and you’re seeking education from peers and hopefully from other sources as well (remember, sexual health hotlines abound and you’ll find a wealth of information and advice here on campus from Counseling and Health Services). Seems like you’re ready to try out sex.

So will it hurt the first time? It varies immensely from person to person. Some women experience great pain, others just mild stinging, and still others feel nothing unpleasant at all. Hell, you might even enjoy yourself.

It’s true that a woman’s first plunge into the sex sea often gets a bad rep as being terribly awkward, painful, embarrassing, and hardly pleasurablečlike a poorly executed swan dive. Chances are you won’t orgasm your first time, but that doesn’t mean you can’t or won’t enjoy yourself. There are a few things that I would advise you to remember when that moment comes, as you’re standing on the diving board with your knees all a-shakin’.

Number one: Don’t put too much pressure on yourself or your partner. Make sure you are comfortable with the situation and paying attention to what your body and your mind are telling you at the moment. If something feels wrong, don’t go through with the act. If things go poorly, big deal. Don’t let it get you down. Just make sure you’re being safe and open with your partner.

Number two: Establish and maintain good communication throughout the whole of intercourse. You don’t have to be a Chatty Cathy or a play-by-play commentator, which could ruin the mood (unless we’ve got a Marv Albert fetish thing going on here, which really is another column within itself). But stay honest and speak up if things are feeling bad or good. We all need a bit of confidence in the bedroom, especially when we’re first starting out, so let your partner know if they are doing something that feels really right.

Number three: Bring the lube. Seriously, it’s not just for anal sex. Chances are that you will be nervous your first time and your body might display that nervousness in other ways beyond clammy hands. Just relax. Oh, and engage in as much foreplay as possible. I cannot stress this enough, especially when I think about all the young Hamline men out there that might be reading this: Foreplay is fabulous. It’s not just a fun pastime in its own right, but it really helps out tons when you get down to the love-makin’. Just remember, CV, things will go a lot better and less painfully if you are wet and relaxed.

If you do experience pain and it seems like there’s no getting around it, just remember that it will feel better with time. Other than that, just be safe and have fun.

Posted by msveum at 12:22 PM | Comments (0)

Point/Counterpoint: College Republican's Response

College Democrats and Republicans face off on the war on terror, the first of three point/counterpoints leading up to the election

Since Sept. 11, President George W. Bush’s policies have eliminated destructive terrorist regimes. The war on terror has liberated 50 million people in Iraq and Afghanistan, and each government is in the process of holding democratic elections. Saddam Hussein’s horrific regime is over, a reign that defied the world by breaking numerous international mandates and peace treaty stipulations.
Diplomacy did not work, and compromising with evil dictators strengthens their power. Hussein housed known murderers Abu Nidal and Abu Abbas, and the dictator trained suicide bombers and supported their cause by paying money to their families. The man was a threat to the peace and freedom of the world and the U.S., and although other countries may have been looking out for themselves, President Bush put the safety of America first and acted. With the direct help of Tony
Blair and other countries, the coalition captured Hussein and is rebuilding the country of Iraq. Hussein’s regime focused on the torture and suppression of its citizens, and the world is far better off with him out of power.

President Bush’s policies have made progress in other areas of the world as well. The U.S. came to an agreement with Libya’s Moammar Ghadafi, and he eliminated his weapons of mass destruction program. Intelligence from the U.S. and Britain helped shut down a secret nuclear proliferation network led by Pakistani scientist A.Q. Kahn. President Bush has headed the conception of the Proliferation Security Initiative, a partnership containing over 60 countries that is responsible for intercepting lethal materials before they get to their destination. Terrorists do not value human life and, as seen in Russia recently, will murder innocent children. The terrible wave of insurgent attacks in Iraq shows how desperate the terrorists are to not cede Iraq to coalition forces.

The enemy knows what is at stake and knows that a free, democratic Iraq will be a major deterrent to terrorist activity in the Middle East. Freedom must prevail for the sake of future generations.

Opponents of Bush’s policies, many of whom originally supported the motives and methods used in Iraq, now say the war is wrong. It is very easy to play Mondaymorning quarterback and criticize a course of events after they have played out. It is not easy to make the hard decision and stand by it in the face of harsh criticism. The president of this country must fully support the operations in Iraq and send a resolute message to our troops and allies that we have done the right thing and that we will win the war on terror.

President Bush has remained steadfast and optimistic in achieving the goal and promoting peace throughout the world.

- Mike Fuchs

Posted by msveum at 12:26 PM | Comments (1)

Point/Counterpoint: College Democrat's Response

College Democrats and Republicans face off on the war on terror, the first of three point/counterpoints leading up to the election

Few people can forget country singer Daryl Worley yelping, in the run-up to the war in Iraq, “Have you forgotten?” Well, he’s certainly not singing any more. In the year and a half following the
invasion, it has become apparent that connections between Iraq and 9/11 were nonexistent. Even
Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld admitted a week ago Monday that he knew of no “strong, hard evidence” linking Saddam Hussein’s Iraq to al-Qaida.

So, then, what is the point of talking about Iraq and the war on terror?

We have diverted troops away from the main focus, hunting down Osama bin Laden and his network.

As great of a job as our military men and women are doing, they can’t be everywhere at once. So instead of a massive military presence combing through the mountainous Afghanistan-Pakistan border, disrupting future terrorist attacks, the vast majority of our troops are working to restore law and order in a chaotic Iraq.

We have provided Osama bin Laden just the propaganda he wanted for recruitment purposes.

President Bush made a huge mistake when he failed to attack a surrounded bin Laden in Tora Bora with manpower similar to that which he would later use in Iraq. With bin Laden still at large and America bogged down in Iraq, al-Qaida’s call of jihad against America is stronger than ever. Can you blame the Islamic world for hating America, when we invade Iraq without international support and under the guise that the country is a threat to us considering Iraq’s terrorist connections and WMDs, in the process killing tens of thousands of family members and friends, and then, after the fact, realizing that our initial reasons to go to war were intelligence errors? When placing the Iraq situation alongside an already tense relationship, it’s only logical to conclude that extremists will be born, and hopefully our country will have strengthened our defenses before they attempt to execute another 9/11.

We have isolated ourselves from a world that we finally had on our side after 9/11.

Arguably, no president in history has squandered as large an opportunity as Bush. Shortly after 9/11,
France was helping drop bombs on the Taliban and formerly hostile countries were taking a leading role in helping root out terrorism from within. At the time, things were looking bright. And then we unilaterally went to war in Iraq.

North Korea went nuclear while we were focused upon Iraq. In addition to now having nuclear weapons capable of striking California, North Korea’s leader Kim Jong Il has made his hatred for America and his willingness to sell his military technology no secret. One cannot doubt that he’d be willing to deal with al-Qaida, considering he was crazy enough to watch two million people die of starvation while amassing the world’s largest collection of Daffy Duck cartoons.

Fortunately, we do not have to put up with four more years of “more of the same.” Hope is on the horizon. John Kerry, realizing that we cannot alone be fighting the enemy, has campaigned heavily upon rebuilding old alliances and working to create new ones. These allies have an interest in seeing a free and stable Iraq, and with his statesmanlike efforts hopefully many of those countries will provide troops in Iraq to take some of the burden off of ours. John Kerry’s plan of doubling the number of Special Forces in operation would in the future prevent tragedies such as allowing bin Laden to escape from Tora Bora. And Kerry’s plan of directly engaging North Korea, which the international community has long wanted, is certainly a better option than Bush has provided.

- Mike Pesko

Posted by msveum at 12:28 PM | Comments (2)

October 19, 2004

Under the covers...with Molly Kirwan

Dear Molly:
I’ve been dating this girl for a little while and I’m really crazy about her. We started having sex a few weeks ago, and I couldn’t get her off a single time. I felt really bad about this, so I brought it up to her. She says that it’s no big deal because she’s never had an orgasm, which totally surprised me. Is this normal? How can I help her to get her first?
Orgasm-Obsessed Guy

Your lady friend is not alone in her orgasm difficulties, OOG. In fact, there are many women and men who have troubles experiencing orgasms, though this issue does seem to occur more frequently with women.
After all, a man’s orgasm performs a clear biological function (we’re talking baby batter here, folks), unlike a woman’s orgasm, which is still a very nebulous topic, scientifically speaking.

So the first thing I would do, OOG, is make sure that you don’t cause her to feel self-conscious about it. No one likes to feel like a freak in the bedroom. But do make it clear that you want to help her experiment with different tactics so she can arrive at orgasm. Also, make sure she knows that this is not an out-of-reach goal.

I would advise her to start by reaching down her pants and touching herself. Chances are, she’s tried masturbation before. Maybe she just didn’t have any luck, and she gave up. But reaching an orgasm often takes patience, perseverance, and determinationčand often a little alone time. You might be the special someone, OOG, that will lead her to the giant O, but she’s going to have to be comfortable enough with herself before she gets anywhere.

How else can you help? Offer her ways to vary her stimulation. If you are serious about committing
yourself to aiding her in orgasming, give yourself over to her as a tool to reach this goal. Use your fingers, and definitely your tongue, and go where she directs you. Let her be in complete control, telling you what feels good or what doesn’t.

And when it comes to intercourse, remember that most women do not orgasm simply through penetration.
Keep things more lively than the simple missionary style. Try stimulating her clit during intercourse, or encourage her to do it. Ask her if she would be interested in using a vibrator, which can provide the prolonged stimulation that is often necessary to reach a first orgasm.

Lastly, don’t be afraid to ask her if there are any fantasies you can indulge for her. Suggest dirty talk, a sensual full-body massage, a hot bath or shower where you can wash her all over. (I know, a lot of these options may seem out of question to anyone who’s participating in dorm livingčbut there is something inherently dirty and fun about messing around in a collegiate setting).

Always remember, OOG, that you shouldn’t force her to try anything she is uncomfortable with. She’s only going to get to her orgasm if she doesn’t feel pressured or self-conscious.

And a parting piece of advice: Consider the way you are viewing sex, OOG. Orgasms can be a unique, wonderful, poetry-inspiring experience, but they really are not everything. Your lady friend can have a totally awesome, totally satisfying sexual experience without coming, so do not obsess over and put all value on the orgasm. Just make sure she’s having a good time and try to have one as well. Stress is a real buzzkill in the sexual world, so keep things fun, and, of course, safe.

Disclaimer: Molly Kirwan sexpert but no professional training. To submit a comment or question, e-mail it to mkirwan01@gw.hamline.edu or drop it off at the Oracle office (DS106).

Posted by msveum at 12:04 PM | Comments (0)

Point/Counterpoint: College Democrats

In an attempt to discourage the cross-border flow of reasonably priced pharmaceuticals, the FDA recently announced fears that terrorists might target foreign drugs bound for the United States. But for millions of needy Americans, the Bush administration’s friendly ties with health-industry CEOs pose a far greater threat.

Now that Bush has declared “mission accomplished” overseas, his administration has seen fit to open up
the next front in the war on terrorism in the newest threat: Canada.

Our northern neighbor continues to provide safe havens for the most dangerous of threats: affordable prescription medications for sick Americans. Good news for patients, but a danger to drug companies with pockets deep enough to buy politicians and an interest in keeping American drugs the most expensive on the planet. The FDA and the Bush administration announced that keeping inexpensive medicine on the northern side of the border may cause terrorists to tamper with them.

Imported drugs can’t pose any more of a threat than the one already faced by 23 million Americans who are forced to do without medicine they can’t afford. The consequences are horrific. The Bush administration’s policy, implemented at the expense of low-income Americans, does serve one distinct purpose: protecting drug industry profits from price competition. The pharmaceutical industry is the most lucrative in America.

The threat posed by this administration, one that aggressively conspires with business interests to keep
drug prices out of the reach of the poor, is the greatest threat to Americans.

While President Bush has been in office, family premiums have increased by more than $3,500, and the cost of prescription drugs has risen four times faster than the rate of inflation. These unreasonable increases in the cost of health care have not only hurt our economy, but forced many families into bankruptcy. In recent presidential debates, Bush blamed trial lawyers, such as John Edwards, for this increase in health-care costs. However, only one-half percent of health-insurance costs are attributed to lawsuits. The high costs of insurance are due to nothing other than President Bush’s lack of compassion for Americans who can’t afford health care, and his sympathy for those who can. The solution cannot begin with lowering the cost of health care for those who can already afford it. Instead, the solution should start by giving those in dire need of insurance the opportunity to acquire it. John Kerry and John Edwards are fighting for this.

Kerry and Edwards believe that every American’s health care is equally important. They will provide all Americans with the same coverage that members of Congress have.

Bush believes that health care should be only provided to those who can afford it, keeping consistent with a hoarding Republican ideology, and Kerry believes that health care should be affordable for all.
Affordable health care should be a right, not a privilege.

Today, approximately 25 percent of health care costs are wasted on paperwork and administrative processing. The Kerry-Edwards plan will cut wasted funds and save billions.

The Bush administration’s obvious disregard for human life and their priority of profits over people represent the most heinous results of corporate power. They are an illustration of the need to take a new direction in American health care, one that can be pursued by Kerry and Edwards.

-Katie Vaughan

Posted by msveum at 12:06 PM | Comments (0)

Point/Counterpoint: College Republicans

Health care may be the most important domestic issue facing the United States. Even the wealthy are having a hard time keeping up with health care costs. President Bush has been doing an excellent job addressing these issues without resorting to national health care, a system that, if implemented, would do more harm than good.

The first things President Bush created were Health Savings Accounts (HSAs). HSAs offer flexible, affordable insurance options for small businesses and individuals. Americans who buy low-cost, high-deductible health care plans can save tax-free money to pay for routine medical expenses, as well as save for the future.

President Bush also created the Prescription Drug Benefit plan under Medicare. In 2003, Bush passed legislation that will help make prescription-drug coverage through Medicare available to 40 million seniors and people with disabilities. Until this legislation is implemented, those affected will receive prescription discount cards. Also, low-income beneficiaries will receive $600 both this year and next to help them purchase prescription medication.

President Bush opened and expanded community health centers. These centers deliver preventive and primary care to medically undeserved communities across America. Six hundred centers have either been added or expanded since Bush’s election.

The president has also given health-insurance tax credits. These credits help workers who have lost jobs due to international trade, and allow those workers to obtain health-insurance coverage.

The best policy that President Bush has proposed, however, is the Association Health Plans (AHPs) policy. This policy allows small businesses to pool together when offering health insurance options to their employees. This works by giving smaller businesses the same buying power as large businesses.
The Congressional Budget Office estimates that by 2008, 7.5 million Americans will obtain health insurance though AHPs, and an additional 600 thousand will become insured for the first time.

This is important because when small businesses do well, they are able to provide for their employees.
When small businesses look more attractive and affordable, the economy is strengthened and provides additional jobs.

What some people don’t understand is that national health care is not free. It will cost some families more through taxes than it now costs them to insure themselves. We will also lose the power to choose our doctors and how we wish to be treated. America has the best health-care system because doctors have incentives to work hard and be good at what they do. When doctors become federal employees, the profession loses its prestige. Vote Bush this November for better health care.
-Sarah Ann Wagner
Secretary, College Republicans

Posted by msveum at 12:07 PM | Comments (0)

November 02, 2004

Under the covers...with Molly Kirwan

Dear Molly:

I read something once that said rubbing a guy’s “taint” can add to stimulation during sex, but I’m nervous about asking my girlfriend to try this. I’m afraid that she might think that I just want her to touch my anus because I’m secretly gay. How do I ask her to do this for me without her doubting my sexuality or thinking I’m just plain gross?

Tainted Dude

Well, TD, let me first clarify for any readers who are baffled by the mention of this elusive “taint” just what it is. The taint is technically known as the perineum and it is found between the testicles and anus on a man, and between the rear of the vagina and anus on a women.

In both sexes, this spread of skin is packed with an extraordinary amount of nerve endings, which often causes extreme sensations when stimulated. It derives its nickname from the phrase “Well, it ain’t the penis/vagina and ’t ain’t the ass, either.”

And let me tell you, TD, ’t ain’t odd to love a little strokin’ in the taint region, whether you are a guy or a gal. And just so you know, ’t ain’t a comment on your sexuality if you like a little touching down there.

Our society often stigmatizes anal sex as an illicit, dirty act only suitable for homosexuals and the sexually promiscuous. In truth, any sort of anal penetration or touching, like vaginal penetration and touching, is practiced by many peoplečstraight or otherwisečbecause it can feel extremely pleasurable.

And if it feels good and you’re being completely safe about it, why be so afraid of it? Try it!

If your girlfriend thinks you are gay simply because you request that she touch you in the vicinity of the anus, then she may have some issues that she needs to consider regarding sex and the way she views sexuality.

I would broach the subject by telling her what you told me, which is that you heard something about this really sensitive spot and that you would like it if she played around with it while you two are messing around sometime. And then I would also inform her that you did a little research on the topic and found out that this uber-sensitive point exists in women as well and that you would be more than willing to try touching and stroking her there because new sensations are always exciting.

When it comes to actually stimulating the perineum, I have a little more advice for you, TD. When first starting out, whether it is on you or your girlfriend, go slow and focus on what feels the best. Try petting, rubbing, or even blowing air on this special region. If this seems to feel good, then you might want to try stimulating this area from inside as well.

On women, this can be accomplished by inserting a finger into the vagina and pressing or gently stroking the lower, rear vaginal wall. You can also try this on the inner rectal wall in both men and women. And yes, that would mean sticking a finger (a lubed digit would work best) into the anus.

And no, that still wouldn’t make you gay if you participated in or enjoyed this activity. It would make you normal human being, like everyone else who enjoys sexual stimulation on a basic level, because it simply makes your body feel nice.

Posted by msveum at 11:57 AM | Comments (0)

Point/Counterpoint - College Republicans

President Bush took office with an aggressive tax-relief agenda that included increasing tax credits for lower-income families, lowering tax rates for all taxpayers, ending double taxation of dividends, and repealing the death tax. Both of the president’s tax-relief initiatives helped lift the economy out of the
Clinton recession by allowing people to keep more of their money. Lowering the tax burden increases people’s disposable income, frees up funds for investment, and leads to economic growth.

The proof is there for everyone to see. The economy has been growing at the fastest rate since the ’80s, and employment is growing at a healthy pace, gaining nearly two million jobs over the past 13 months.

The Bush administration has the formula: a lower tax burden, higher disposable income, investment, growth, and jobs all imply happy people. This is not good for liberals, because when people are happy, liberals are not.

Enter John Kerry.He has to convince you that the economy is not growing, that you’re paying more hidden taxes, that you don’t have a job, and that you’re not happy.To accomplish this, he has gone back to the oldest play in the Democrat playbookčclass warfare.

John Kerry cannot convince us that we’re unhappy on the facts alone.He has to manufacture relative unhappiness by pointing to the yachts, mansions on Cape Cod, and private chalets in the Rockies of a few gajillionaires (like his wife).

Kerry and his liberal pals say the president’s tax cuts were a windfall for the rich. But the fact is that the share of all income taxes paid by the wealthiest Americans has increased under President Bush. A Tax Foundation study based on Congressional Budget Office data shows that in 2003, the wealthiest 20 percent of income earners paid nearly 80 percent of all income taxes, and nearly 37 percent of income-tax filers pay no tax at all.

Thus, the tax code has become more progressive under President Bush.That may not be my preference, but it should be a point of compromisečsomething for which people who lose elections should be
thankful.

Kerry has also tried to turn the deficit into political gain, but recent data from the Treasury department show tax receipts gaining five percent from last year and a shrinking deficit that is $64 billion less than
Congressional Budget Office estimates had predicted. Lower tax rates are firing the engines of growth and are keeping the deficit to a manageable 3.5 percent of the gross domestic product.

President Bush has pushed for and achieved pro-growth tax policies that make us all better off.John Kerry’s knee-jerk, tax-loving liberalism belongs in the dustbin of history.

- Justin Byma

Posted by msveum at 11:59 AM | Comments (0)

Point/Counterpoint - College Democrats

Have you ever driven a car on the interstate highway system? Have you ever been to a national park, like Yellowstone or Yosemite? How about education? Taking into consideration that you are in college now, it is a pretty safe bet that you or someone you know went to a public school.

What do all of these things have in common? They are all funded, at least in part, by taxpayer dollars.

As much as the Republican party likes to vilify taxes by saying that they amount to the government “stealing” money from “hard-working Americans,” the truth is that taxes are kind of like a membership fee for being an American. Every Americančor at least Americans who obey the lawčpays taxes, and every American benefits from services that those taxes allow the government to provide.

While there are some tasks that would be better left to private corporations, large-scale projects like building roads that span an entire country or setting aside land for every American to enjoy are best left up to the government to complete. Government is the only entity capable of dealing with the large amounts of resources and large amount of time that these tasks require to complete. Because the government is incapable of generating revenue on its own, it relies on its citizens to support it.

When the Republican party talks about cutting taxes, it is wise to wonder what services they are going to cut to make up for lost revenue.

When Governor Pawlenty made cuts to the state budget to avoid having to raise taxes, he cut many services beneficial to Minnesota’s quality of life. The budgets for highway maintenance and cleanup, education, and park conservation were all affected.

The results of these cuts are highways lined with trash and riddled with potholes, public schools that are firing teachers and cutting arts and music programs to make ends meet, and state parks that are so underfunded that they cannot pay rangers, whose job is ensuring the safety of park visitors. While it may be true that corporations are taxed so much that it is difficult for them to function, cutting taxes on them means that lost revenue has to be made up for somewhere else, either by cutting government services or taxing somebody else. Since many government agencies are already so cash-strapped that their budgets cannot be further reduced, the difference must be made up by taxing somebody else. That is the way the world works.

The question is, who should we tax more: a corporation operating on a multi-million dollar budget or a citizen who makes $20,000 a year?

- Carly Schaps

Posted by msveum at 12:00 PM | Comments (0)

November 16, 2004

Under the covers...with Molly Kirwan

Dear Molly:

Is it wrong to fake
an orgasm?

Just Wondering

Okay, JW, your question is a little more complicated than most of those that I typically field. I can’t merely run to an anatomy book or consult the CDC website to locate a concrete answer for you. No, you used the word “wrong,” which means that we’re entering the topic of morality, and I, as a simple English major, am certainly no expert in that area.

However, I refuse to hand this question off to someone seeking a degree in a more morality-minded discipline. I mean, this is a sex column, after all, and can you imagine getting sex advice from someone who is pre-law or a religion major (a quote that hopefully will make it into next month’s English department newsletter)?

Though orgasm-faking is most often associated with women (thank you, Meg Ryan), both sexes do it for the same two reasons: 1) Faking occurs because one party (the faker) wishes to no longer continue having sex with his partner and therefore he simulates orgasm in hopes that intercourse will end sooner, and 2) The faker does not want her partner to feel bad or inadequate, so she pretends she is in orgasm heaven to avoid any post-sex awkwardness or guilt.

Both of these motives are acts of deceit, and therefore I cannot entirely endorse either. However, sex is definitely an area where people feel incredibly vulnerable. It can be crushing to feel denied by your partner.

And that’s why it’s only natural for people to fake. It’s an easy, polite out of a possibly difficult situation. But faking immediately complicates any sex situation a hundred times more when one partner finds out that the other is only pretending to be bursting through big O’s door. That is when feelings get hurt and trust č in my opinion, one of the most important keys to good sex č gets broken. And this is much more harmful to any relationship than simply telling your partner that you are not going to come tonight, and, hey, that is
okay.

I’ve said before and I’ll say it again: Sex isn’t all about orgasms. By putting all the emphasis on coming, it’s easy to lose sight of all of sex’s other pleasures.

Faking may seem like a good way to avoid certain difficulties in the bedroom, but the long-term complications should always be considered. And if you’re faking or considering faking orgasms to expedite the act of sex itself, JW, then I would advise you to stop your acting immediately.

If you’re not enjoying sex, you owe it to your partner and yourself to just say you’re not into it. Otherwise you run the danger of something that is supposed to be pleasurable quickly becoming something that is unbearable. In such situations, resentment toward your lover and the act of sex itself is likely to build. This can be extremely harmful and could possibly do damage to a young person’s attitudes about intimacy.

So I would advise any fakers to be aware of the possible consequences of what may seem like a nice or convenient way out of a sticky sex situation. Just bite the bullet and tell your partner that you aren’t coming, and then stop if you want to or proceed if you’re enjoying the sex. In college, at least, it’s best to save your performances for Acting I class.

Posted by msveum at 11:38 AM | Comments (0)

November 23, 2004

Under the covers...with Molly Kirwan

Dear Molly:

I enjoy occasionally spanking my girlfriend before and during sex, but I also feel guilty about it. She says she likes it too, but it still sometimes makes me uncomfortable when I think about it as hitting a woman as we have sex. That seems a little messed up. Is spanking okay, or should I shy away from this act altogether and just make love like a normal person?

Likes It Rough

Spanking is a fetish, LIT, and though it is one of the most socially acceptable fetishes, it still has that societal connotation of being “kinky.”

Like many fetishes, it also involves a display of one partner’s power over another, and this inequality often makes us uncomfortable if we really start thinking about it.

These days, we like to think that love and relationships only occur between two equals and that we should be wary of any possible tip of the power scale between two individuals.

Of course, this is an incredible oversimplification of relationships, but, for the most part, I think this is a healthy attitude to take.

However, I don’t think a temporary upset of that power dynamic in the bedroom necessarily reflects a true power disparity between partners.

It’s important to be able to attempt to separate sex from other aspects of a relationship, especially because it often occurs independently from relationships.

The sexual acts and roles that people partake in privately are not necessarily an indication of the people they are or what they prefer outside of a bedroom (sort of a different take on the whole “a kiss is not a promise” cliche).

Things become incredibly complicated and possibly quite dangerous, though, when the fetish involves acts of physical brutality or violence, particularly against women.

Do I think the mere act of spanking your girlfriend falls into this category, LIT? No.

If spanking is kept light and playful, then there isn’t any harm.

But I would be sure that you understand the difference between friendly spanking and other, more violent, behavior during sex.

Just remember, a partner’s acceptance of one fetish or fantasy isn’t an open invitation to do whatever you want whenever you want.

Always make sure that you are communicating when you have sex and that you understand what your partner wants and is comfortable with.

So, if you want my advice, LIT, a fetish is worth exploring if all partners are willing, if it is done in a safe and healthy manner, and if it is understood beforehand that anyone can back out at anytime with no hard feelings.

As far as having sex “like a normal person,” LIT, I wonder what your definition of normal is. Does that mean just “vanilla” sexčsimple penetration or sticking to just the missionary position?

All of that seems somewhat limiting and pretty darn boring to me.

There are so many possibilities to explore with sex and so much fun that one can have.

Be safe, but don’t shy away from trying new things. And don’t feel like a weirdo if you like exploring, because I guarantee that you are not alone and that experimenting with sex during college is probably the closest to “normal” that you can get.

Disclaimer: Molly Kirwan has aspirations of being a sexpert but no professional training.To submit a comment or question, e-mail it to mkirwan01@gw.hamline.edu or drop it off at the Oracle office (DS106).

Posted by msveum at 11:30 AM | Comments (0)

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Some fun facts about Thanksgiving:

1) Thanksgiving wasn’t declared a national annual holiday until 1863, when Abraham Lincoln instated the custom.

2) Canadians also celebrate Thanksgiving, but much earlierčon the second Monday in October.

3) America exercises no restraint on Turkey Day -according to the Calorie Control Council, Americans may consume as many as 4,500 calories on this holiday, about twice the general recommended amount.

4) In 1939, Franklin D. Roosevelt wanted to move the holiday to the third Thursday in November to extend the shopping season for stores, but too many people were upset by that idea, so Congress made the fourth Thursday of the month the official day.

Posted by msveum at 11:34 AM | Comments (0)

December 07, 2004

Under the covers... with Molly Kirwan

Dear Molly:
I live in a two-bedroom apartment with a roommate. Lately he has been complaining that my girlfriend and I are too loud during sex and that it bothers him. He is my friend and I don’t want him to be upset with me, but I also like to take advantage of the newfound freedom of having an apartment and not living in the dorm or with my parents anymore. Anyway, I would rather just enjoy myself and make sure my girlfriend is enjoying herself than worry about whether we’re being loud. If sex is a natural and healthy thing, isn’t expressing how good it feels also a natural and healthy thing?
Loud and Loving It

Yes, LLI, expressing how you feel during sex is a natural and healthy thing to do. I’m certainly a huge advocate of verbal communication during the act.

But I would suggest articulating these sentiments to your partner, not the whole neighborhood. Though I wish that sex was a topic that most anyone could feel comfortable discussing at any point in time, there is a difference between talking about sex with others and actively forcing your sex life upon unwitting bystanders.

I know that it is a relief to no longer be living under the oppressive, iron-handed rule of parents or RAs. Moving out on your own is kind of like sex: For many it is a symbolic consummation of adulthood.

However, having sex does not mean that someone is ready to take on all of the responsibilities of adulthood.

Similarly, moving out of someone else’s supervision and into your own place does not mean that you are completely independent and that you don’t have to answer to anyone else.

If you value your roommate and your relationship with him at all, then you owe it to him to be considerate and try to meet his requests the best you can.

I mean, think about how much it totally sucks to have to deal with his crusty cornflakes dried all over every one of your bowls when you’re craving some ramen. Or how gross it is when he doesn’t clean his chin hairs off the sink after he shaves.

As a co-inhabitor of one apartment, I’m sure you would want him to respect your demands, and you should do the same.

Anyway, LLI, there is something a bit sexy and naughty about having to restrain yourself during sex. Then it can feel intimate and private, like a secret shared in a hushed voice between two lovers.

I say take this quiet thing and run with it. Use it to your advantage.

It’ll shake things up a little for you and your girlfriend, and I bet it’ll feel pretty steamy to be groaning and whispering into her ear. And while you’re at it, kiss and nibble at her earlobe a little while you’re there.

And then, LLI, the next time you are making love and your roommate is not around, go crazy. Be loud and wild and just have fun. I bet it will feel even better than before.

After all, variety is the key to keeping sex exciting. I just hope that your apartment is not directly above your landlord’s. I don’t think that I’m properly qualified to deal with any renter’s rights questions.

Posted by msveum at 11:25 AM

December 14, 2004

Under the covers... with Molly Kirwan

Dear Molly:

Is there a difference between having sex and making love?

Last Romantic

The difference you speak of, LR, is entirely a personal perception of the act of intercourse.

But there are many people out there who do believe that the two are completely separate and others who see them as two very different forms of the same act.

I think that the most common opinion is that sex is kind of cheap and unsentimental (but still fun), like an HBO movie featuring Tori Spelling.

Making love, on the other hand, is profound and deeply meaningful (but still hot), like an epic featuring Leonardo and Kate heating up the backseat of a Model T.

I believe that it is also a commonly held idea that there is a variation in the speed and the nature of interaction between the two.

Sex is fast, rough, and dirty. Making love is slow, soft, and intense. Think again of the entertainment industry’s portrayal of the two.

You know that it isn’t a story about finding true love when then two main characters are bouncing wildly off one another, screaming to the heavens, precariously balanced on some office furniture.

However, if there is a soft-focused lens, lots of candlelight, tons of kissing but little actual humping going on in a bed, chances are the couple were meant to be.

Of course, LR, that isn’t really how it is in real life. Two people can maintain a spiritual and physical connection while doin’ it at breakneck speed.

It is also possible to have really slow, really intense sex without feeling like you’re totally in love with your partner. There is definitely something else at play here that compels people to define simple intercourse in two separate ways.

I think that more often than not, people make the distinction between having sex and making love as a way to deal with their own feelings of guilt or shame about intercourse in general.

These days, sex often gets the reputation of being oh-so-desirable, yet oh-so-inappropriate or dirty. I think a lot of people get caught up in the pull between our bodies’ desires and our society’s disdain.

As a compromise, we tell ourselves that sex is okay, as long as it isn’t a simple physical pleasure.
It becomes socially acceptable to “make love” because it is seen as something purer, where having mere physical intercourse isn’t nearly as elevated in the public mindset.

Call me unromantic, but I don’t buy it. The only people who should worry about whether or not there is love involved in sex are those people sharing the act. And I only see it as a problem if one person’s perception of that sex differs from another’s.

In other words, the world shouldn’t care if you are “having sex” or “making love.” One form of intercourse should be just as acceptable as another.

However, if you are emotionally unattached in a sexual situation where your partner clearly feels differently, I must caution you to beware.

Posted by msveum at 10:58 AM

February 08, 2005

Under the covers...with Molly Kirwan

Dear Molly:
I currently have one penis piercing. It’s called a frenum, I believe. For those who don’t know, that is the piercing that goes across the shaft through the outer skin. Usually, this piercing is placed rather close to the tip of the shaft. Mine is placed in the middle of the shaft. I’ve been thinking about getting one closer to the tip, but I’m worried that women don’t really like it. I’ve been told that in the right position, it is supposed to hit the g-spot. I must say that the reason I got the first one was for the ladies, but that is not my only motivation for wanting to get the second. I kind of like the way it looks. What should I do?

Long Unusual Cute Altered Shaft

Genital piercing has supposedly been practiced by different cultures for different reasons for hundreds to thousands of years. However, thanks to the great body modification boom amongst college students and rebellious youths alike in the ’90s, encountering a partner with a piece of metal in their nether regions isn’t that rare of a happening these days. So, LUCAS, I wouldn’t be all that worried about totally freaking out the ladies with a frenum piercing or two. Especially if you remind them that unlike their last boyfriend’s lame eyebrow ring, your piercing may actually have some practical use to it.

As I understand it, frenum piercings near the head of the penis are far more popular than your mid-shaft piercing, LUCAS, probably because they are more likely to heighten sexual pleasure for the piercee and his partner. A frenum piercing at the base of the penis is called a lorum and can supposedly produce some of the same effects as a cock ring. And there are many people who prefer multiple frenums up and down the shaft which is called, oddly enough, a frenum ladder. The ladder can offer stimulation to a female similar to that of an uber ribbed-for-her-pleasure condom.

Now I will do a quick little synopsis of male genital piercing for the rest of my readers who are probably as clueless about the topic as I was a few hours before writing this column. The three most frequently performed penis piercings are the Prince Albert, the frenum, and the guiche.

The Prince Albert, a piercing through the urethra and the underside of the head of the penis, is the most popular male genital piercing and is supposed to offer enhanced sexual pleasure to both males and female partners (through g-spot stimulation). It also is usually the quickest to heal and has the least amount of complications or infections associated with it.

Most of the specifics of the frenum we have already discussed, except that the frenum often takes a little longer to heal.

The guiche is a piercing of the perineum or taint (between the scrotum and anus) and has the highest rate of infection and jewelry migration because of its moist, sensitive location. This piercing offers only male stimulation.

All right, back to your letter, LUCAS. I say, go for your second frenum. But make sure that you obey your piercer’s orders and take proper care, which I want any other readers who might be considering a piercing to know involves no sexual contact at all for at least two weeks. And, of course, remember to use a condom for the entire healing period (as long as six months) to make sure you are practicing proper safe sex.

Posted by msveum at 04:31 PM

February 15, 2005

Under the covers... With Molly Kirwan

Dear Molly:

I’ve heard people talk about the G-spot, and I kind of know what it is, but I don’t know that I’ve ever felt anything that special in that area during sex. I’ve talked to some of my friends about it, and they say that they’ve never felt anything there either. One of my guy friends says that it is a myth. What is the deal? Does the G-spot really exist?

Trying to Spot the Spot

So there is a tad bit of controversy surrounding the G-spot, probably based on the fact that some women feel overcome with amazing sexual sensation when stimulated in the G-spot area, and others feel absolutely nothing. And some people (mostly men, I imagine) can’t understand how women could possibly be different and are therefore skeptical about this sweet spot’s existence.

OL, perhaps I am oversimplifying, but I do think that people doubt the G-spot because it is a supposedly medically identifiable area and yet only some women feel heightened sensation in that area, and even fewer women experience ejaculation, which is associated with the G-spot. But as those women who do feel that certain sexual “yowza” in the G-zone can testify, it certainly exists for some, which means that it shouldn’t be ignored or doubted by all.

Now, a little bit of background info. Technically speaking, the G-spot is a sensitive region in a woman located between the pubic bone and the cervix, just beyond the front wall of the vagina. The spongy tissue of the G-spot actually surrounds the urethra, which might be one of the reasons that many dismissed the idea of female ejaculation as simply urine expelled in the midst of pleasure. When stimulated, the spot swells and supposedly creates a sort of crest or bump that can be felt in the front of the vaginal wall. Sex educator/counselor Beverly Whipple and psychologist/sexologist/minister John D. Perry named the area in honor of Dr. Ernst Grafenberg, who was the first physician to acknowledge the significance that this particular spot played for sexual pleasure in some women. Grafenberg was also one of the first physicians to study and publish about female ejaculation. However, there are still many questions held by doctors and eager sex adventurists alike about this area and whether it exists in all women, and, if so, why only some feel stimulation.

So, TTSS, if you are curious about finding out about whether you are spot-sensitive, there are certain things you can try. I would recommend either trying to locate your G-spot with your fingers or coercing a willing partner to do it for you. The sweet G should be located about two finger joints deep on the top side (outwardly signified as being towards the clitoris, not the anus) of the vagina. Try rubbing, stroking, gentle poking that area. See if you (or your kind friend) can feel any sort of raise in the vaginal region, which is a good clue that you are in the right spot. You can also try using a vibrator or having sex in positions that would point the penis in the right direction (and I don’t just mean “up”).

But, hey, if you don’t feel anything, don’t sweat it. It doesn’t mean that you are missing out on anything, it just means that you should focus on stimulating the more sensitive areas of your body, such as the clitoris or the taint, for more pleasure. Whether all scientists (or men) want to admit it or not, people are different, and we all should respect and explore that fact.

Posted by msveum at 01:21 PM | Comments (0)

February 22, 2005

Under the covers...with Molly Kirwan

Dear Molly:
I’ve been on the pill for a while now and I’m just plain sick of it. I feel like it messes with my head and that I don’t even have control over my emotions anymore and I’m sick of having to worry or use a condom for a week if I miss a pill or take it late. I feel like the side effects are not worth it (I’ve even gained weight) and I’m ready to find a new method of birth control. Only problem is that I’m sort of squeamish about things like shots and the idea of anything being inserted “down there.” Do you have any recommendations of what I should do?
Looking for a New Way

Finding the perfect method of birth control can be quite the long and arduous search, LNW. There are many options out there and usually the only way to determine which is best for you is to meet with your doctor, discuss the specifics of each viable choice, and then just try one. Finding the ideal birth control is sort of like finding the ideal lover, - you typically have to try out a couple different ones till you discover one that works really well with your body.

Anyway LNW, I’ll give you the run-down on a couple of methods and their accompanying pros and cons. You should sort out which sounds the most practical for you and then ask a real doctor about it, because I must remind you č I’m not even pre-med.

Oral contraceptives, a.k.a. the pill, use hormones to make your body stop ovulating (releasing eggs). At their worst, these hormones can lead to some weight gain (think:freshman 15), or reduce you to hopeless sobbing at McDonalds commercials or a lost round of Mario Kart (these are true stories, people). The possible benefits: you know exactly when your period is coming, your skin looks great, and your boobs can get bigger (which certainly is no reason to go on the pill, but is a frequently enjoyed side-effect). It is a gamble, LNW, but there are so many different varieties of the pill that I wouldn’t necessarily give up on the method after trying one kind. And if you don’t like the daily hassle of remembering to take your pill there is always the NuvaRing. Like the pill, it releases hormones into your body, but this nifty little jelly bracelet-like loop can simply be inserted in your vagina (it need not be fitted or placed anywhere special, as long as it is deep enough inside to stay there) and taken out three weeks later so you can have your period.
Depo-Provera is another method that relies on hormones and is delivered through shots every three months. This option is rather easy, but does require frequent doctor visits, something that college students (for whatever reason) often try to avoid. There is also evidence that prolonged use of Depo leads to a significant loss of bone density.

If you should decide that you want to stray away from methods that pump your body full of hormones, there are still a few options. An intrauterine device (IUD) is inserted through the cervix and in the uterus to prevent pregnancy. The IUD has been around for a while and had at one point gained the reputation of being a somewhat unreliable method (especially in my family; it certainly didn’t prevent the arrival of my brother in the mid-’70s). However, the device has been improved and is now one of the most effective forms of birth control. It does require a doctor’s appointment to get one inserted, and it can sometimes be quite unpleasant. The IUD can be used for five years or more, but can sometimes have painful side effects or complications.

Another method to consider is the diaphragm, which is a small barrier inserted in the vagina before sex. To be most effective, the diaphragm should always be used with spermicide and fit rightčsee your doctor.
You may have to do a little shopping before you find the perfect method but in this modern day there are so many different options out there that you should be able to find something, unless that special something that you are looking for is a male contraceptive (and I’m not talking about the condom). That is one method of birth control I can honestly say I eagerly await.

Disclaimer: To submit a comment or question, e-mail it to oracle@gw.hamline.edu or drop it off at the Oracle office.

Posted by msveum at 05:16 PM | Comments (0)

March 01, 2005

Under the covers...with Molly Kirwan

Dear Molly:

I found porn on my boyfriend’s computer, and while I want to think that is no big deal, I feel really weirded out by it. I know that it is normal for a guy to have interest in that sort of thing, but just looking at it makes me feel dirty and bad about myself. It’s full of big-boobed blondes (which I am not). I haven’t told him that I found it yet. Should I just keep my mouth shut or should I tell him how I feel? I don’t want to start a fight, but I also don’t want this to keep bothering me throughout our relationship. What should I do?

Pissed Off by Porn

Porn is a tricky subject matter, POP, and believe me you are not the first person to ever react this way to finding a dirty mag or XXX movie in your boyfriend’s possession. While rationally you may realize that these pics of big-breasted bimbos pose no real threat to your relationship with your boyfriend, it is easy to feel just that: threatened. You said it yourself, you do not look like these girls, and the idea that your boyfriend might be fantasizing about their perfect bodies instead of thinking about you can be a little unsettling. But, of course, POP, there is one key difference between you and these barely-legal hotties:
You are real, and they are just images, and I’m sure your boyfriend is fully aware of that. So don’t feel threatened, POP, because these so-called “horny sluts” aren’t going to be taking your place in your relationship anytime soon.

Chances are if you brought up the porn thing to your boyfriend and told him how bad it made you feel, he would either feel very guilty or react defensively. He may think that you are trying to take a moral high road and shame him for his behavior. But is your boyfriend really wrong for indulging his fantasies? If you haven’t already discussed this, then he isn’t lying to you by looking at it. Porn is not a threat to your relationship. Any feeling of mistrust that this porn might leave between you could be, though.

You may only feel uncomfortable about the porn because you were unaware that he looked at it, and it surprised you to find it on his computer. But if you realize that it is just part of a harmless fantasy, then you may find that you have no problem with it. Or, if the idea of your boyfriend secretly looking at pornography still weirds you out, you may want to consider trying to look at it with him. Fantasies often seem threatening to a relationship because they exist outside or independently of the relationship. But by looking at it with him, you would be participating in the fantasy and might find it less threatening. And you might be surprised at how hot he’ll get for you (not those busty blondes) during the duration of the porn watching. However, porn isn’t for everyone, so if you find looking at it upsetting, I would not try it.

So, POP, if you still feel upset about the dirty desktop discovery, I would suggest talking to your boyfriend about the situation, but make sure he knows that you are not judging him. Try to be understanding of what he has to say about it, and remember that looking at porn isn’t an inherently wrong act. See if you two can try to come to a mutual understanding so that you can continue your relationship with the knowledge that porn may be looked at by one party from time to time, but that doesn’t mean that trust is broken, or your state as a happy couple is threatened.

Disclaimer: Molly Kirwan has aspirations of being a sexpert, but has no professional training.

Posted by msveum at 08:23 PM | Comments (0)

March 08, 2005

Lost in the Crowd: Domonique Edwards, first-year

Oracle: What would you say is your greatest passion?

Domonique: I love being involved in the community. I was a Peer Educator at the Minneapolis Urban League. I was involved with some different programs there. One of them was Alcohol, Tobacco and Other Drugs. We would educate ourselves by reading and stuff, then we would educate the community. We visited different middle schools and talked about, well, alcohol, tobacco and other drugs. The other program I was involved with there was called HIP-HOPP. You don’t want know what that stands for.

Oracle: Tell me.

Domonique: All right, it stands for Heavy Intensive Prevention for Homies, Okies, Players and Perpetrators. It was all about safe sex. Oh my God, we went to so many different seminars and workshops about different STIs, you know, sexually transmitted infections, and then we taught people how to use condoms and stuff.

Oracle: What’s an average weekday like for you?

Domonique: I’m a morning person, but not by choice [laughs]. I usually get a lot done in the morning. I wake up around 6:30. That’s average for me, I guess. Then I come to school. I do get a lot done in the morning. That’s when I feel re-energized. By the end of the day, I’m just so drained, so I like doing things in the morning. I come to campus when I’m done getting ready and work in the library. On Wednesdays I work in the morning, and I usually stay on campus until around 9:00. I live off of 35E. It takes me about 10 minutes to get to school, depending on traffic.

Oracle: How many classes are you taking right now?

Domonique: I’m taking five, if you count Bridges Scholars as a class. That’s only once every two weeks.

Oracle: Do you like them?

Domonique: [Laughs] Well, you know. When you sign up for classes and look at the description, you think “That class sounds really interesting,” then once you start the class, the work is so much that it can really take the fun out of it. But I’m sure that by the time summer hits, I’ll look back and say “Those were nice classes.”

Oracle: What’s an average weekend like for you?

Domonique: My Saturdays are always different. I try to work out on Saturdays, but if I have too much to do, I don’t. My friend and I work out at the North West Athletic Club. We swim and stuff. Then we go shopping or to the movies or something. I’m actually going to a step show this Saturday. On Fridays, I go skating. I usually save Sundays for catching up on homework. I like to spend time with my family and friends on Sundays, too, because I usually don’t see them very often.

Oracle: Can you remember a time when you were so immersed in what you were doing that you lost track of time? What were you doing?

Domonique: Okay, this is going to sound weird, and I don’t know if it’s really one of my passions, but it happens all the time. When I’m doing math, I’ll just sit there for hours and not even realize it. It’s like, if I know what I’m doing, I can do it forever. Yesterday I was working with my stats tutor, and we worked for two hours on the first part of one problem. I had no idea that much time had gone by. Sometimes I’ll just sit in the library and work on math problems. I love algebra, and when I do it, time just flies. It feels good to understand how and why things work. Also, when I’m working in the community, I never keep track of time. I love it.

Oracle: What are your future aspirations?

Domonique: Well, it’s just so split down the middle. Part of me really wants to go into law and become a lawyer or be an entertainment lawyer or sports agent or something like that. I think it would be nice to be a legal manager for a music company or producers or something. I really love music. The other part of me really wants to be involved with the community. I think I’ll always want to give back to my community and help improve urban communities. I know I’ll always want to stay active and volunteer no matter what career I choose.

Oracle: Whenever we see you on campus, you’re usually dressed in cute, funky outfits. Is fashion important to you? What drives your style?

Domonique: Fashion isn’t as important to me now as it was in middle school and high school. I always tried to be different with my style. I was voted “Best Dressed” my freshman year, even though I went to a private school and had to wear a uniform. We got to wear whatever we wanted one day a week, though. Oh, and I always had a hat to match everything. I went through a very big hat phase. My ex-boyfriend told me that when I dress different ways, different parts of my personality come out. So I guess my style contributed to my success in high school. Like, when I dress up, I feel more confident and responsible. When I went to public school, some people would wear pajamas and stuff to school, and I was never into that. I like to dress up.

Oracle: If you were to compare your style to a celebrity, who would that be?

Domonique: A celebrity? Oh, I don’t know. Probably LisaRaye. She’s my cousin, actually, from Chicago. She always wears silky shirts, stilettos or pumps and tight-fitting jeans. She dresses really cute, and I’d like to think that I dress like her.

Oracle: Is there anything else you want the Hamline community to know about you?

Domonique: Yeah - I am extremely dedicated to social change. I’m really devoted to youth of color and topics that they face. And, oh yeah, I’m running for sophomore HUSC rep!

Posted by msveum at 05:08 PM | Comments (0)

Under the covers...with Molly Kirwan

Dear Molly:

I really don’t enjoy giving blow jobs. It takes my boyfriend a really long time to get off, and it seems like just so much hard work. After he comes, he’s totally satisfied, but I feel like none of my needs have been met. I also feel like blow jobs can be a bit demeaning and not nearly as personal or intimate as actually having sex. How do I tell my boyfriend that I don’t want to go down on him?

Not Into Blowing

If going down bothers you that much, NIB, you should definitely say something to your guy. No one should have to participate in a sex act that they don’t feel comfortable with. However, before you swear off BJs for all of time, you might want to examine the way you perceive the act itself. It seems like you see blow jobs as a chore and something that is completely one-sided. But going down on your partner can be fun for both of you. First of all, NIB, blow jobs can be a lot more exciting and a lot less work if you engage in them as a form of foreplay. Just think of it as a good way to spoil your boyfriend with a little attention and get him raring to move on to other activities.

Also, try switching up the old blow job routine a little bit. Try out some new tricks, like going down on him with a mouth full of hot water (not too hot and not too much, we don’t want any burns) or participating in a little 69ing. Giving your partner pleasure can be fun and sexy, as long as you are willing to put a little time and energy into indulging them.

Now, NIB, it seems like some of your distaste for dicking around with the dick is connected with a sexual power struggle. It is easy to feel isolated from the person you’re going down on because you are not looking each other in the eye and can’t easily verbally communicate with them. But you don’t have to feel completely disconnected and lose all concept of shared intimacy during this act. As corny as it may sound, try holding your boyfriend’s hand, or encourage him to gently caress your face and neck while you are engaged with his anatomy.

However, maybe you still aren’t comfortable with the idea of going down on your boyfriend. Everyone has their own sexual likes and dislikes, and that should be respected. Discuss this topic with your boyfriend.
Be honest, but make sure he feels comfortable talking about what he wants as well. I maintain that communication is the key to having the best possible sex for both partners.

Disclaimer: Molly Kirwan has aspirations of being a sexpert, but has no professional training.

Posted by msveum at 05:09 PM | Comments (0)

March 15, 2005

Lost in the Crowd: Nicole Infinity, Sophomore

Lindsey Anderson, Oracle: So, Nicole, tell me about your home life:

Nicole Infinity: I live in Coon Rapids with my husband. We just bought a house together before I started [at Hamline].

LA: So you’re married? When did you do that?

NI: In July of 2003. I had just graduated high school, but I didn’t actually attend high school my last year. I PSEO’d at a little college called Anoka-Ramsey. Well, I guess it’s not a little college compared to Hamline. It has about 7,000 people.

LA: What is PSEO?

NI: It stands for Post-Secondary Enrollment Option. They have equivalencies that you would be taking in high school so that you still meet those standards, but you get college credit for them. So it works out pretty well. I just did that full-time and I got 30-something college credits for free.

LA: What made you decide to get married right out of high school?

NI: My parents didn’t save up money for me to go to college, and I always wanted to. When you’re married and both going to school, you get a lot of financial aid. We were going to get married anyway, but it was just convenient for us to get married then. His parents wouldn’t pay for his college tuition either, so it was like ‘okay!’

LA: How did your parents react when you told them you were getting married?

NI: My parents didn’t know that we were married until six months after it happened. We were both a bit angry with our parents at the time. We had been dating for a long time and we were living together, so they weren’t really surprised. They just wished I had told them.
LA: I’ll bet! I hear you have quite an interesting job. Tell me about it.

NI: I started school-bus driving around the same time I started school at Hamline. I drive for Anoka-Hennepin, which is a huge school district. I usually get up around 4:30 a.m., because I have to get on my bus at about 6:25 a.m. But I love doing it. I want to be a teacher, so it’s better than working at a place that’s not going to give me any experience.

LA: What do you want to teach?

NI: I’m intending on teaching English at the high-school level. I didn’t always want to teach English, actually. I’d like to teach something like art; however, it’s very difficult to get a job in a department like that because of all the funding issues. And English is important, so why not?

LA: So your last name is Infinity. Is there a story behind that?

NI: Yeah, actually, there is. When my husband and I got married, we decided to change our last names to be the same. I wouldn’t take his because I didn’t believe in taking a man’s last name for no reason. Plus, he didn’t really like it all that much. His last name was Wood-McFeters and mine was Oltmanns. We didn’t want to hyphen our last names, and they let you change it to whatever you want on your marriage certificate, so we were just like ‘okay!’

LA: Why “Infinity”?

NI: We thought of some other words, but you want it to still sound like a last name, and you want people to be able to spell it. We were thinking foreign-language names, but it just wasn’t practical.

LA: Do you enjoy married life?

NI: Oh yeah, definitely. There’s a lot of security. I don’t know how people work through relationships and get through college at the same time. Oh, dating? God. My husband and I have a lot of fun together. We’re best friends, so we just do everything together and try to have as much fun as possible around our school work.

LA: What kinds of things do you do in your free time?

NI: I’m really interested in music and art, and so is my husband. I want to use music in my classroom when I have one. It sounds silly, but I don’t have one specific thing that I listen do. If it’s good, then it’s good. I really like Pink Floyd, Incubus, 311, definitely, but I even like Outkast. I like a lot of their music. You know, Dave Matthews, Cake. My husband makes me CDs every once in a while, and he’ll use the same songs that I’d put on there. We’re pretty silly. We just kind of hang out, watch cartoons, and play Legos when we have free time. Our lives are way too serious, so we try to lighten up a little bit.

LA: What are your favorite movies?

NI: My favorite movies are pretty serious. Pi and Requiem for a Dream are a couple of my favorites, but my husband and I also watch a lot of movies like Shrek, Tommy Boy, and Monsters Inc. We watch a lot of cartoons, too. We watch Jimmy Neutron, and we watch this new show on Nickelodeon called Avatar, which everyone should check out. It’s kind of like anime, but it’s not. It has this whole earth, fire, water thing going on. It’s sort of Buddhist and very multicultural. It’s pretty deep, as far as cartoons go.

Editor’s note:
“Lost in the Crowd” is a Q&A column highlighting one Hamline student each week.

Posted by msveum at 02:13 PM | Comments (0)

Under the covers...with Molly Kirwan

Dear Molly:
I got into a serious relationship during high school and stayed with the same guy until very recently, so I’ve done very little sexual investigating on my own. Now, for practically the first time since puberty, I am single and very horny. I’ve never really masturbated. I’ve tried, but I’m so used to having someone else help me out down there that it feels kind of weird, and I find it hard to stay aroused. Has sex at an early age ruined my ability to pleasure myself, or should I keep trying?

Single Girl Wanking

For the love of god, SGW, please keep trying. I am a firm believer that one should “love” oneself before “loving” others. Of course, I understand that in situations such as yours, it sometimes takes another to usher you into that realm of sexual awareness and curiosity. But take this new singledom as a golden opportunity to learn all about yourself and your needs and desires, both sexual and otherwise.

Now, SGW, the key to first-time masturbating is avoiding getting frustrated or distracted. Chances are that it is going to take a little time for you to have that first solo orgasm, so schedule a nice long block of alone time and start by relaxing. Open up that Hamline planner and plant a “Hanging Out With Pinky” all over Wednesday afternoon. Since you are used to having company on your trip to the big O, you might find it beneficial to turn off the lights and imagine that you’re not so alone. If it doesn’t happen in one sitting, SGW, make your play date with Pinky a regular event.

And yes, SGW, you may want to try using a vibrator, though I think you should try the fingers out first.
Everyone should be able to service themselves without the aid of extraneous equipment in case they find themselves in a masturbation emergancy (like a really long layover, or even convo hour). If you have some anxiety about visiting Sex World, do not fear, because you can order sex toys from the safety of your own home thanks to that nifty Internet. Or, if you are feeling adventurous, you might want to make a visit to Smitten Kitten, a woman-run sex shop in Minneapolis. There are many options out there, so you might want to do a little research before you head out to buy. I suggest visiting www.babeland.com for a little friendly information.

At any rate, with a little time and a bit of elbow grease, you should find something that works for you, SGW. Just don’t give up, and remember that once you get in touch with yourself, there’ll never again be need for a dull moment when you’re alone.
Disclaimer: Molly Kirwan has aspirations of being a sexpert, but has no professional training.

Posted by msveum at 02:14 PM | Comments (0)

March 29, 2005

Lost in the Crowd: Carolyn Kienbaum, SAS cashier

Oracle: What would you say is the best part of your job?

Carolyn Kienbaum: Of course I like seeing all the students walk through and talk to me. You guys keep me so young. I also enjoy flipping through YM magazines and cutting out photos to post on the walls of my cubicle during down times. A lot of the things I do are fairly repetitive, so I like to rate the appearance of the college boys to keep my brain plugging away.

O: What’s your rating system like?

CK: I rate boys on a scale of 1ą5. There are a lot of nice looking young men at Hamline.

O: Any finds today?

CK: Yes! In fact, one just walked out.

O: Wow. So you seem to be fairly in touch with pop culture. What kind of music do you like?

CK: Oh, I like all sorts of music. I still haven’t gotten over the boy-band craze, but I also listen to a lot of Led Zeppelin, Jennifer Love Hewitt, and even Marilyn Manson. I don’t discriminate!

O: What do you do in your free time?

CK: Oh, I thought you’d ask me that. I like to knit, sew, cook, and make key chains. I’m a big fan of scrapbooking, too. In fact, I have an entire book dedicated to the photos I take late at night of myself covered in face paint. I also collect lawn ornaments. I have 83 of them č no, wait č 84! I bought a new gnome at K-Mart just last night! I do some acting on the side, too.

O: Oh, really? What are some of your credits?

CK: I’ve done a lot of independent projects, you know. Most recently I made a guest appearance on Days of Our Lives. I was the operator at the other end of line.

O: How ambitious! Okay, here’s a question for you. If you were a color, what color would you be, and why?

CK: Wow! That’s difficult. I’d probably say sky blue. I’m lighthearted, I’m open, and I’m always happy! Plus, it’s pretty much my favorite color. Always has been.

O: What did you do before you came to work at Hamline?

CK: I had a lot of odd jobs before I came here. When I was just out of college I made hemp necklaces by hand and sold them in the parking lot at Grateful Dead concerts. Then I took a waitressing position at a Denny’s in the Bronx. I stayed with Denny’s for about five years before being recruited by the CIA. That was pretty intense. I left the agency after 20 years of service. I’ve been at Hamline ever since.

O: Sounds like you’ve led a pretty interesting life. Is there anything else you’d like the Hamline community to know about you?

CK: Yes! That I’m one hot mama! [Laughs] No, I’m kidding. But I am a lot of fun. Don’t be afraid to stop by and chat!

Posted by msveum at 01:44 PM | Comments (0)

Under the covers... with Molly Kirwan

Dear Molly:

I arrived in the United States for the first time last fall to begin my year studying at Hamline. Much to my surprise, I quickly started seeing this really cute football player from Wisconsin. Things are going great, but I have a question regarding sex. I think there are a few cultural differences that are preventing us from communicating properly in the bedroom. After we finish the act, instead of cuddling me or holding me close, he just gets really excited and raises his arm above me with his fingers splayed all wide and holds it there expectantly. The first time he did it I flinched for fear he was going to slap the smile off my face. But he just lowered his arm and seemed really disappointed. He does this every time we finish, even though I obviously don’t know the correct response to this behavior. Help me out here! What on earth am I missing? What does this strange action mean, and what can this foreign girl do to please her freedom-loving boyfriend?

Just Not Getting It

Ah, JNGI, you’ve stumbled upon an important American cultural phenomenon known as the post-coital high five. Though it is an overtly masculine demonstration, which is often marked by the violent slapping of palms and usually followed with a deep grunt, this is actually the behavior of the typical American male at his most vulnerable. After you and your helmet-wearing hottie have finished the hot deed, he, in a moment dripping with emotion, body odor, excitement over getting some choice foreign-babe action, and hella hormones, is extending his hand to you seeking your approval. He is nonverbally communicating that the sweet loving he just made to you all over Sorin fourth-floor laundry room was indeed an awesome experience that he will think fondly of for many a lonely summer night when he’s back in his parents’ place in Sheboygan. And by not responding in kind, you have inadvertently denied these claims he’s made of a bitching boinkfest and therefore maimed his ego and insulted his manhood. And who says women are touchy?

Now for a brief history just for you, JNGI, since I don’t believe any of my other readers are lucky enough to have lived a high fiveąfree life thus far. The high five, or “giving five,” as it is also commonly known, has long been an important expression of triumph and success at the most simple and/or inane tasks. For example, it would be appropriate to high-five a friend for issuing an appropriately timed burp, or perhaps after watching a player on television score a well-executed goal, but not for discovering the double helix. It wasn’t long before this action was extended to the bedroom as an exclamation of one’s own ability to perform the very duty that we were biologically designed to carry out in order to ensure our own success as a species. Wait to go us. We figured out how to copulate!

So it is up to you, JNGI, to reach out and confirm to your man just how frickin’ sweet his sexing is. Let him know that you are certainly very proud of him for coming and that you too enjoyed your precious time
together. All you have to do is stretch your fingers out real wide and meet his hand with your own
celebratory slap of good sex. Do that, JNGI, and I promise, your boy will be very pleased at your response.
I just wouldn’t advise bringing this custom back with you when you leave the United States. Unfortunately, it seems the rest of the world is still of the viewpoint that we should only be proud of accomplishing tasks that we have to work very hard to achieve, not that which comes naturally to us. Oh well.

Posted by msveum at 01:45 PM | Comments (0)

April 05, 2005

Lost in the Crowd

Lindsey Anderson, Oracle: If you had to choose one thing to call your true passion, what would it be?

Matthew Byrnes: I’d have to say camping.

O: Why camping?

MB: Well, I’ve never done any really extreme camping. I like going to the Boundary Waters the best, though I haven’t been there in over a year. It’s my favorite place on Earth. I’m a camp counselor, too.

O: Where at?

MB: It’s a YMCA camp called Camp Olson, and it’s my second-favorite place in the world. It’s in Longville, Minn., which is about an hour north of Brainerd. I only spent one summer when I was younger. I actually hated camp as a kid. I hated being outside and wanted to watch television all day. But as I started to reach puberty, I started to love being outside.

O: What changed?

MB: It’s hard to say. It just started feeling so pure. I think camping can be almost a spiritual experience ... like the way the world could be without people and societies. Seeing the stars and the lakes and everything, it really puts things into perspective, like how pointless most of my worries are. It shows me how I’m completely at the whims of the earth.

O: Do you get the same experience when you’re working as a counselor?

MB: I don’t. Well, sometimes I guess. It’s still there, but having kids around distracts me from all that. It’s hard to be philosophical when kids are daring each other to touch fire and cussing at each other. But I would hope that the experience allows the kids to appreciate nature. I think it probably changes from kid to kid.

O: Do you enjoy being a counselor?

MB:I love it. Usually. It’s the best and the worst job. I mean, on one hand I’m getting paid to go swimming and camping and horseback riding with a bunch of cool kids č on a good week. But on the other hand there’s little free time and little privacy. It’s a high-stress job, and the kids bicker and have issues.

O: How old are the kids you work with?

MB: Last year I got mostly 11ą15 year olds, and the year before that, my first year, I got mostly 8ą12 year olds. The oldest kids are cool because they’re beginning to get their own opinions and they’re becoming very independent. They aren’t afraid to tell people off and think for themselves. The young ones are awesome because they worship the ground you walk on, and we can make them think that I’m 30 years old, or that one of the counselors is a pro soccer player or raised by wolves or something.

O: That sounds like a lot of fun. Is it rewarding for you?

MB: I wish I could do it year-round. I want to be a teacher, so that’s kinda the same vein. But there are some tough judgment calls. They are always getting hurt and doing weird things. Like, there’s ditch-weed at camp, so the older campers always pick it and I can never decide whether to stop them or not.

O: Do they try to smoke it?

MB: No, they never do. When I do let them pick it, I make sure they know you can’t smoke it. Once there was a kid who started lecturing all of the other kids about how you can’t smoke ditch-weed, and described in detail how it was different from real weed. He said that ditch-weed will only get you a headache. I really didn’t know what to say. Every once in awhile, camp is hilarious.

Posted by msveum at 09:36 PM | Comments (0)

Under the Covers... with Molly Kerwan

Dear Molly:

I’m a closeted first-year living on campus. Recently, my roommate found some incriminating magazines that point to my true sexual orientation. I was incredibly embarrassed by his discovery, but he didn’t say anything except that I should probably hide my porn a little better. I haven’t had the guts to bring up the topic with him again, but he certainly seems to be acting differently toward me since the incident. He seems to be very wary of me, and we just don’t pal around like we used to. I think he is nervous about having a gay roommate, and I worry that he is telling his friends (most of whom are mutual acquaintances) about me. How do I bring up these issues to him without making the situation worse or having everyone on campus finding out about my private life? 
Out of the Dorm Closet

Your situation is a bit of a tough one, ODC. After putting in my time in a dorm room, I know all too well how difficult it can be to keep your private affairs to yourself when you are living is such close quarters with so many people. Chances are pretty good that your roommate probably has mentioned your little incident to some of his friends, and judging by your description of his behavior, he is probably a little freaked out by everything.

I think that it would be best to bite the bullet and talk to him as soon as possible. If you passively back away from this problem, you risk losing your roommate to the gulf of unreconciled weirdness that often results when we refuse to recognize uncomfortable problems we have with others.

So you need to come up with a plan of action for this little chat. Don’t make it too big of a deal, but don’t lie or try to hide the truth. Just be straightforward and tell your roommate that you are gay, but that shouldn’t change anything about your relationship with him as a friend or as a roomie. Tell him how important it is to you that he doesn’t allow this to freak him out and that he should just ask you if he has any questions or concerns about your sexuality. Let him know that you want to remain private about your sexual preference at this point and that you hope he’ll respect that decision by not telling anyone before you feel ready to tell them yourself. If he values your relationship as much as you do, then he will accept, and further weirdness will hopefully be avoided.

Dorms are microcosms where any little bit of gossip is as earth-shattering as a news story about our president’s concern for the tube down one woman’s throat. If word of your sexuality has leaked, you may find it difficult to remain in that dorm closet. I’m not saying that you have to let everyone know every little thing about you and your private life, but I sincerely believe that before others will feel comfortable with who you are, you must first feel secure about your own identity. College is the perfect time for new beginnings. Now that you are no longer living with your parents and don’t have to worry about what all those kids from high school who have known you for 14 years have to say, you can just be you and not really worry about people changing their opinion of you.

All I’m saying, ODC, is that your best bet is to be honest with yourself and everyone else. Lord knows that your life is still your business and your business alone, but I’m sure you’ll find it to be much simpler if you just worry about being true to yourself and not what everyone else thinks.

Disclaimer: Molly Kirwan has aspirations of being a sexpert but no professional training. To submit a comment or question, e-mail it to mkirwan01@hamline.edu or drop it off at the Oracle office (DS 106).

Posted by msveum at 09:37 PM | Comments (0)

April 12, 2005

Under the covers...with Molly Kirwan

Dear Molly:
I live in a house with two other people, and we all have our own rooms. My problem is simple: I’m in love with one of my roommates. We were friends for a year before we moved in with each other, and it is really becoming hard for me to ignore my feelings for him. I’m not certain that he shares my feelings, but it’s really hard to see him every day and not share how I feel. I’m afraid that if I tell him and I am alone in feeling this way, I will probably ruin our friendship and also turn our living situation into a living hell or at least a very uncomfortable situation. Should I keep my mouth shut or should I follow my feelings?

Living with Love

Though it might be torturing you to be living in such close proximity to the one you’re constantly thinking about, you do have a responsibility to yourself, your crush, and your other roommate to retain a healthy and comfortable environment for all of you to coexist in. Unfortunately, that complicates your situation a bit, LWL.

Ordinarily I would tell you if you are that gaga over someone, then be brave and take a risk. At worst, they turn you down and things are a little weird for a while, but if they really value you as a friend, they’ll get over it. At best, you find out they feel the same, and suddenly you’re in the relationship you’ve always longed for.

However, you’ve got to consider the consequences of your confession and how it might affect everyone in the house. If you were to expose your true feelings to this guy and he was to turn you down, then the whole place could become filled with awkwardness or even resentment. And it certainly would not be fair to make your poor, uninvolved third roommate have to choose sides.

And what about if things turned out well and you started dating your crush? First of all, it might make your third roommate feel excluded or alienated from the two of you. And secondly, living with someone you are dating usually applies extra pressure to the relationship, which is why most people wait several years and some even suffer the vows of eternity before they take this step. It might not be advisable to subject a relationship that is still in its infantile stages to the trials of cohabitation.

Sometimes, though, it is just worth risking all in order to be with the one you want. So my advice, LWL, is to feel out the situation. Usually, when there is a mutual attraction between two people, you can feel a real connection when you are together, though this is often overwhelmed by your fear of being rejected.

Ask your other roommate if they notice any signs of attraction toward you coming from your crush. If they seem to be aware of it as well, then ask them if they think things would get weird if you two started dating. If your other roommate seems supportive, then go for it. Hey, you’re young, and college is all about making foolish choices that will bring you to new places. That and being lazy. And really, LWL, what is lazier then going into the next room for a booty call?

Disclaimer: Molly Kirwan has aspirations of being a sexpert, but has no professional training.

Posted by msveum at 04:17 PM | Comments (0)

Lost in the Crowd: Jordan Koch

Lindsey Anderson, Oracle: I always see you hanging out at the ITS help desk. How long have you worked there?

Jordan Koch: I actually just started there this semester. I like it a lot. Working at ITS is definitely most relevant to what I want to do. I really want to mix biology and computer science - my two majors - and create a career out of it. I am really interested in genetics. My dad always made me watch science shows with him when I was in junior high and in high school. In ninth grade, I did my first research paper on stem-cell research. I guess I’ve been hooked ever since.

I did an independent study my senior year in high school that allowed to learn even more about stem-cell research. It’s just so interesting. I’d eventually like to work as a Fulbright Scholar doing some genetics research. [Biology professor] Presley Martin doesn’t know it yet, but I plan on working with him sometime. He’s even more into genetics than I am. I love how the science faculty is so engaged with the students here.

As far as computer science goes, a few friends of mine got me into building my own computer a couple of years ago, and I’ve been fooling around with computers and digital editing ever since. I know it sounds nerdy, but I really enjoy doing it. I have three computers just in my dorm room, and I work with them at work, too.

Right now I’m in the process of editing my own full-length film. There’s actually talk of it being shown at the Forest Lake 5 Theatre. The film is called Elemental Forces. It’s a trilogy about the human race becoming so powerful that they create an apocalypse. Only a few survive, and these survivors remained sheltered from the rest of the world. The new world, which during the film is in its medieval stages, is eventually introduced to the technology that the apocalypse survivors had been hiding. But that doesn’t happen until the end of the third film.

I worked on editing the movie for about eight hours every day over the summer, and I put in about an hour each day now. My friend John (the director of the film) and I thought that a community project of this size would be great, and it is. We’ve spent a lot of money, which all comes out of our own pockets, but we’re hoping we’ll be reimbursed for some of it after it’s released.

O: What kind if editing did the film require?

JK: Since we don’t have a lot of the things we need, like catapults, wizards, and armies of thousands, I do a lot of digital 3D modeling. I create everything from scratch, then animate it and hope it looks real.

O: What do you do when you’re not editing or studying biology?

JK: I’ve been going to classes, working at ITS, and training for Grandma’s Marathon in Duluth. I run for at least an hour a day. I ran the marathon last year, and it was physically the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. It was so rewarding. I’ve always loved long-distance running, and I knew that a marathon is something runners always strive for. It was important to me that I did it. A few friends and I started training every day for the few months before the race. When we got there, the farthest we had ever run was 20 miles. We figured we’d let the race just be a surprise, and it definitely was. I lost all feeling somewhere around mile 17 and just, I don’t even know. There’s just nothing like it.

O: How did you do?

JK: I ended up finishing in the top 10 percent of the race with a time of three hours and 22 minutes, so I was definitely happy with how I performed. I just really wanted to see how far I could push myself.
There was a sea of 7,000 people surrounding my friends and me. It was like the excitement of every race I’d ever been in was all rolled into this one big one. I started toward the back, so I was passing people the whole time. There’s nothing more reassuring than passing people by. When it was over, I fell asleep on a curb with an ice-cream cone in my hand. The nice ice-cream man woke me up and asked me if I was okay [laughs].

Posted by msveum at 04:20 PM | Comments (0)